pure fiction // ziam

thirty seven

p.o.v change in 3...2...1

liam's p.o.v

I sit on the couch letting Friends play in the background while I scroll through my social media, trying to find something to amuse me but nothing seems to be working, I just don't find anything entertaining anymore. It's like I can't feel anything. Am I heartless? No emotion? No, wait--Zayn is the one who's heartless. I immediately felt a sting in my heart when I think of that. I guess shit talking about Zayn is not good either.

"Ugh why am I so stupid" I pause the TV and stand up to go to the kitchen, I look through the cabinets to find something to fill the emptiness in my stomach. I find a bag of chips and head back to the couch. Is it bad that this has been my routine for the past week after school? I just feel like every since I stop talking to--NO Liam, this is good. You need your distance, Zayn doesn't deserve you right now. I grab my phone and check if he has texted me.

No Notifications

I toss my phone across the couch. Dammit why do I keep doing this to myself?

I heard my phone ding and I rushed to grab it.

Niall: hey

What does he want?

Liam: what niall

Niall: i just wanted to check up on how things were going

Liam: well because of you, zayn now has turned into a complete lying slut and we haven't seen or talked to each other for a month.

Liam: how have YOU been?

Niall: im sorry....

Liam: i dont want to hear it niall

Niall: let me make it up to you

Liam: you can't fix this

Niall: please

Liam: niall you can't fix everything with sex

Niall: we used to do it all the time over the summer

Liam: that doesn't fucking change anything

Niall: so that didn't mean anything to you?

Liam: uh no? you even said it was just a way to get rid of the boredom

Niall: yeah i know.....

Liam: you need to get your shit together niall because im not in the fucking mood to deal with you out of all people

Niall: okay....

read at 5:34pm

Gosh does this boy really think sex is the only solution to everything? Okay yeah maybe I did enjoy it but I stopped it before it escalated into anything. He said it was just casual sex, no string attached. The thing is, nothing is ever just casual. Niall is just so...and so fucking...he just...ugh. I throw my phone across the couch again. Why am I friends with people who literally destroy me from the inside out?

I have to get out of this house I can't deal with this emptiness and...is that guilt I'm feeling? I don't know but I just don't like the feeling.

I grab my phone and car keys and head out. It's time for me to take action. This has gone long enough.

• • • • •

I arrive at Zayn's house and knock on the door. His father opened the door.

"Hello Mr. Yaser, is Zayn home?"

"Upstairs in his room" He responded and let me inside the house. I see a pile of books and files on the coffee table. He must be working on a case. I head up to Zayn's room and hear music being played. He must be distracting himself from the pain. He always does that when he doesn't want to think about something painful.

I don't even knock and find Zayn standing on his bed jamming out to the music engulfing the room.

"Zayn" I say and he stops and falls down, but not off the bed.

"L-Liam. What are you doing here?"

"I'm ready to talk" I walk into his bedroom and and close the door behind me. Zayn gets off his bed and turns off the music. I sit on the bean bag in the corner of his room where we have spent countless hours on sleeping on top of each other, uncomfortable, but still romantic in a way.

"So?" Zayn says.

"Let me just..." I begin to collect my thoughts, trying to come up with a good way to start this off.

"I love you Zayn, but I just don't like you anymore and by that I mean I just don't like who you have become as a person. You cheated on me twice. Once with one of our closest friends and then again with a stranger, like why Zayn? Just why? Am I really that dissatisfying to you that you had to cheat on me twice? Then you had the audacity to come home and let me have sex with you meanwhile you had already gotten dick up your ass and I was just having sloppy seconds. Zayn I wanted to be that person okay? I wanted to be your first, I wanted to be the one who made you feel special. I wanted to spend that night with your body intertwined with mine by the threads of our love.

I don't even know why I'm the one coming here to apologize but I've been feeling some sort of guilt ever since I left you out in the cold. I picked my poison and it's you. I only want it to be you. But you're making it so hard to be with you, you're killing me Zayn. You're emotionally and mentally making it impossible to be with you without wanting me to clock you in the face. You are my everything, my light, my life, my world. Why...why don't you feel the same way about me?"

Zayn sat on the edge of his bed, dumbfounded. That sure as hell should shut him up for a while. I want to hear what excuse he has.

"I'm sorry that I took your love for granted Liam. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you weren't enough. I'm sorry that you had to come here and be the one to apologize. I'm sorry for breaking your trust. I really am sorry. I just...I really don't know what cam over me after that kiss with Niall. It just felt like I had to continue on with the "I should cheat on my boyfriend" streak and then I was actually stupid enough to go through with it. I'm sorry Liam"

I don't know why but part of me actually believes that this is a sincere apology. Is he really sorry? I don't know. But part of me wants to believe him and get back with him. Now I'm the one left speechless. Fuck.

"Are you gonna say something?" Zayn asks, breaking the silence between us.

"Yeah," I take a deep breath in.

"I don't think I can be with you right now or for a while"