pure fiction // ziam

eighty six

It's been a while since I've been to therapy. Maybe I should start going again, I feel another episode coming. This one might be worse than the last. It's not like I can really do anything about it, like, I know I'm self destructing but I can't stop myself, it's like I want to purposely ruin my life. But I really don't want to. And it's getting really hard now that Niall is back in our lives and we all seem to be merry about it.

Fucking dammit, why couldn't that blonde piece of bread stay in New York and let me forget he exists.

"Zayn?"

I snap out of my thoughts. This has also become a frequent thing again, I keep spacing out, letting my thoughts take me to places it shouldn't.

"Yes?"

"You spaced out again"

"I'm sorry... it's just... I don't know, everything seems to be slowly falling apart and there seems to be an impending tidal wave waiting to take me down"

"Oh... you wanna talk about it?"

"No... not for now at least"

"Alright, if that's what you want"

"Thank you Liam"

Liam smiled in response and holds my hands while I rest my head on his shoulder. He really does have a nice shoulder to cry on. I'm not usually one to cuddle much without heading straight to the dick sucking but lately, I just have no need to do it, I feel so tired.

I stare blankly at the TV, watching an episodes of Friends fly by without really paying much attention to them. All I could do was just feel Liam. I felt his heartbeat. I felt the heat radiating off him. I felt his arm around my body while I laid on his chest. I felt the kisses he left on the top of my head throughout the night. I felt his presence. And somehow all that was enough for me to forget that there were problems around me. Somehow, having Liam next to me made everything feel nonexistent, like I didn't have anything to worry about. Time slowed down, and all I could picture was Liam.

Why couldn't every night be like this?