pure fiction // ziam

fifty four

Sometimes it's best to watch from afar, like when a lion watches its prey and pounces when it's ready to attack, and just let the whole world pass by. Right now, it just feels like I'm stuck in one position while everyone else is moving on with their lives. How am I supposed to move when I have no reason to move? My whole life shattered before my eyes when the thing with Liam happened a month ago. Thinking about it now, one month has felt like six. So much shit happened during that one month from when we broke up to now and it's actually really hard to wrap my head around it.

If the ability to turn back time was possible, then I would dial back the clock to exactly one month ago.

Looking at the students walking from here to there while I sit by the tree, I see Liam. He has his hand intertwined with Toby and I rush of jealousy takes over me and I feel my stomach churn and my heart feel like it's getting stabbed. Why was I so stupid of letting that go? I feel completely stupid now, looking at him, as if I'm watching over him making sure that the guy he's with is treating him right.

He must have seen me because now he's walking towards me.

"Hey Zayn"

"What happened to not talking to each other?" I said.

Liam gave me this look, the kind of look you get from someone that just has 'Are you fucking kidding me right now' written all over it. My response was to smirk at the look Liam gave me.

"I was going to be civil but I guess not anymore" Liam says and turns around going back to his boyfriend.

Watching him walk away pains me, and I'm not up for feeling pain right now.

"Wait!" I shout and stand up from the grass jogging over to where Liam was. I grab him by the arm to turn him around and the feeling of his biceps sent shivers through my body.

"Oh so we regret our choices now?" Liam said with a smirk on his face.

"Look," I start to say, letting go of his arm, "I just wanted to ask if you know what we did Friday night because apparently according to our friends we were both missing." I look up at Liam and his face seems to have changed moods. He knows something.

"I-I don't remember much of that night" Liam says as he scratched the back of his head.

"Oh..." I look back down at the grass.

There was this silence between us. The kind of silence between people who want to desperately get close and commit all the sins they're not supposed to. I want to break this silence and just tell Liam how I really feel and maybe, just maybe, get him back in my arms.

"You sent me a voicemail" Liam said and I looked up in confusion.

A voicemail? What? When was this I don't—Oh. It must have been the night of the party. Then I remembered the texts I sent him the morning after to which I never got a response to, but let's not worry about that now.

"What did I say?"

"You said we did something. You were all drunk and the words just kept falling out of your mouth and I don't know how to feel about it because A) what the fuck did we do? B) I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about you and C) I still have a boyfriend"

When Liam said that, I felt a tug at my heart.

"S-so we did something during the party?"

Liam nodded his head. I could feel my brain pounding where the memory is trying to pry its way out. Fuck. I have to remember, I need to remember what happened that night.

"Listen I gotta go, Toby is waiting for me..." Liam said and slowly backed away and headed towards Toby.

"Bye" I said as I waved, watching Liam's figure getting smaller.

What happened that night?