pure fiction // ziam

fifty

liam's p.o.v

I wake up on Saturday morning with an intense headache. Never again will I down half a bottle of vodka. I look over to my side and see Toby next to me, still sleeping, doing that cute little snore I like. Gosh he's adorable. I plant a kiss on his forehead and get up from bed, struggling to keep my balance. Damn, is it possible for intoxication to carry over even after sleeping? It's like I'm still drunk. Maybe I should learn to control myself... then again will I ever?

I look at my phone.

Zayn missed calls (3)

Gigi missed calls (7), unread texts (5)

Harry unread texts (3)

Louis unread texts (18)

Niall missed calls (2)

(1) unheard voicemail

Well okay, I guess I was a popular character last night. But holy fuck does my head hurt. I love my self destructive patterns.

I head downstairs to see if I could find any pills that would numb this headache that is slowly eating away at my ability to function. When I get to the kitchen, I see a note by mom.

Went out with your dad to run some errands. Be back in the evening.

P.s.: Don't forget to do the laundry :) xo

I wonder how long their gonna be long and if they know I got trashed last night. Damn, that was such a high and we didn't even do any drugs. There was just party and booze and teenage angst, the most perfect concoction for a night. Honestly though, I wish I could remember all of it but the lingering sensation of alcohol in my system is preventing me to do so.

"Oh wow look who woke up early" I heard a voice behind me and I turn around to see Toby.

"Shocking right" I said in response. I walk closer to him, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him closer to me. He smells like himself, not the stench of alcohol or sweat or any other odor one would normally have after a night like yesterday.

"Want me to make breakfast?" He asks and I nod my head, he's such a good cook but Zayn was like I had my own chef at home.

Toby starts to take out ingredients for the pancake batter and I stand back and watch him, such a beautiful sight. This is what you look for in a man, someone who is willing to cook for you and make you feel special and wanted equally the same amount as you make them feel.

"I'll be right back" I said and head back to my room where my phone is laying on the nightstand. I decide to look through the phone and see what I was missing out on.

gigi: liam pick up the damn phone
gigi: LIAAAAAMMMMMM
gigi: dammit where did you go
gigi: you cant just leave a party like that and not expect us to worry
gigi: ffuuuuuuck

harry: dude dude dude dude
harry: heeeeeeeeeeey
harry: aawww come on do you still hate me for setting you up with zayn

louis: liam
louis: l
louis: i
louis: a
louis: m
louis: p
louis: a
louis: y
louis: n
louis: e
louis: you piece of shit you have us all worried
louis: and is toby with you?
louis: if he's with you then we know you're okay
louis: dammit you dumb shit
louis: ANSWER YOUR PHONE
louis: fuck, just text back if you're alive
louis: update: the party is over and its 1am are you still alive???????
louis: 2am update: you are an asshole for not picking up your phone

Everyone was worried about me and that actually warms me up inside for some reason. I shouldn't be feeling like this if everyone was worried about me, they don't deserve to be feel like that. None of them should have to worry their asses off for me, none of them should have to take time out of their lives just to make sure I'm okay or alive or whatever. They deserve to not have to carry around dead weight—me—like it's part of a package deal. The immediate feeling of warmth has turned into anger towards myself, or maybe that feeling was anger in the first place? I hate having to worry my friends, hate making them do all these things to make sure I'm okay. They deserve to have a life and not carry around someone who's just going to make them feel badly every time.

I still have an unheard voicemail to listen to. I go into the phone app and see that it's from Zayn. My heart immediately starts to bear faster. Why did he leave a voice message? Why did't anyone else leave one? Why?

I press play and put it on speaker.

"Hey Liam it's Zayn...I mean of course you know that it tells you the name. Fuck. Okay. What we just did...what was that? Why? Like, you said you couldn't do it anymore but we just...and I don't known what any of it means. Well I know that we both still have feelings for each other but we just can't be together but like why do we keep sneaking around? It's not going to do us any good. From at least my side it's like if we keep going like this then we're probably going to end up together again and ruining our relationship again" There was a long pause then I heard him take a deep breath, "I still love you Liam. I still want to be with you. And I don't know if I'm just saying this out of jealousy or just that I genuinely still love you and I want to be with you and I want to stop sneaking around and having hookups wherever we run into each other. Please call back. I want to know that you're safe. Night"

I throw the phone across the room, hitting a wall and falling to the floor. Luckily it had the case on, but that's not the point. The point is that I should not be feeling like this, I should not be having the same feelings I had for Zayn when we were dating. I shouldn't, so why do I? Fuck. I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes and all sorts of emotions swirl inside of me.

Dammit, why do I still feel like this?