DYING OF THE LIGHT ➣ BEN SOLO

SIX

[ STARS ]

IN HALO CADASCA'S EYES, THE ENTIRE GALAXY WAS REFLECTED.

from where she lay, she could see it all. every star, ever planet. she remembered as a child, lying in this very same spot, trying to count them all. now, the beauty of it was enough for her.

"the sky doesn't change at all," she said softly, her words directed at the boy that lay beside her. his dark hair fell haphazardly over his pallid face, and his dark eyes did not even notice the stars. they were looking at her.

"what do you mean?" he asked, the deep tones of his voice disturbing the gentility of the cool air.

"i mean it doesn't change. all these stars are the same as they were when i was young. all the planets, in the same place. it looks exactly the same, and yet i still marvel at it like i'm seeing it for the very first time."

he furrowed his brows as he watched her speak. halo was one of the most confusing people he had ever met. or perhaps, she was not the thing that was confusing, and rather it was the way he felt about her that confused him. all his life, ben had been told to keep his mind on things in front of him. to focus on himself, his feelings, what he was doing. but when he was with halo, it was so hard to do that. her mind was set on things above, always a million miles away, dreaming of distant lands and unattainable peace. it confused him, and it excited him. he had never met anyone like her, and he didn't think he ever would.

"you're strange, halo," ben said, a cool smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

she mirrored that expression, and turned to look at him. the blades of grass beneath her cheek tickled her skin, and contrasted so greatly with the pale color. in the night, it was difficult to see how many freckles she had. all she was was a blur of fiery red and ivory and blue. all of ben solo's favorite colors.

"i could say the same to you, solo."

halo watched ben's face. he had aged so much in such a short amount of time. she knew that his lessons were growing even harder for him, and she knew how tempted he was by the dark side. she could feel it inside of him. but her faith was unwavering. she was so sure that he would prevail.

her fingers came to rest gently on his cheek. there was something so guarded in his eyes... she had to know what it was.

"what troubles you, ben?"

he looked at her. at the way her lovely face was marred with sadness that did not belong to her. at the way her wild curls fell down the curve of her back. he did not understand how she could marvel so much at the sky when she herself was such a sight to see.

he shook his head, and pressed his palm on top of her own.

"nothing. i'm fine."

she arched her fiery brow. halo knew better.

"i know you're lying. you're not very good at it."

a lifeless chuckle left his lips as he pushed himself to sit, halo following suit. he gazed over the cliff edge that they sat upon, at the endless waves that stemmed from the island. he remembered the first day he came here, how excited he had been, so unaware of how difficult it would be.

"i just... i feel like i'm going to let master luke down."

halo looked at him from the side, trying to read his face. "in what way?"

ben stared at his hands, trying to find the right words to say. it was so difficult for him to explain his feelings.

"it's just so hard, halo."

she nodded. halo could understand completely. becoming a jedi was not easy. coming to terms with all the parts of yourself that are ugly and making them beautiful feels so impossible, doing things you never thought you could with only your mind as your weapon felt so foolish. but it was all possible. halo understood because she was patient. but ben did not have that same trait. his own personality was his greatest weakness. he had too much of anakin skywalker inside of him.

"if it was easy, it wouldn't mean as much," she whispered. she wrapped her arm around his back, and leaned in to his side. he rested his arm over her shoulders. he felt much warmer now.

"and master luke trusts you. and i trust him. he knows how hard it can be. he will show you the way."

ben did not disagree with her, even though he did deep inside of himself. he knew how much luke meant to halo. he had saved her, after all, when she was very young, and been the father she never had.

"be patient, ben. trust in the force, and trust in yourself. you are much stronger than you know."

the problem was that ben solo knew just how strong he wasn't.

and just how strong he could be.

[ this chapter is another flashback just in case you were confused

also this book is complete trash but it's okay i'm not even mad about it :)))))))

- kona ]