DYING OF THE LIGHT ➣ BEN SOLO

NINETEEN

[ LEIA ]

HALO FELT WARMTH ON HER SKIN.

golden rays filtered through a window on the side of the room, casting themselves over her snowy face. she felt soft fabric on her chest, soft pillows beneath her neck. for a moment, she could have sworn that she was in heaven.

but an uncomfortable pain slowly began to blossom along her belly. and it burned so brightly, that her eyes finally opened.

her vision was momentarily blurred, for everything around her was so bright. but soon the edges began to clear, and all the shapes in her sight took their forms. she heard faint beeping at her side. and the sound of slow breathing.

"halo."

she knew that voice. she knew it so well. it was strong. powerful. kind. generous. forgiving.

"leia?"

her sapphire eyes traveled slowly to her side. there, sat the mother of ben solo. the hero of the rebellion. the legendary general. the wise woman.

"look at how beautiful you've become."

halo did not know what to say. so many thoughts were racing through her mind, so many questions she knew leia could not answer. but above all that, she felt relief. her aching heart rejoiced at the sight of leia. it beat even quicker, filled her to the brim with a kind of bittersweet happiness. she did not know how calming leia's presence could be, how important the woman truly was to her.

halo often found that the men in her life betrayed her, left her, or were taken from her. but leia had always been there. never faltering. watching over her from a distance, letting her have her time, but always thinking of her.

as she looked into leia's eyes, she was reminded of kylo ren. they had the same eyes. the same dark shade of brown. the same eternal abyss of color that one could easily sink in to.

"leia," she whispered, ignoring the searing pain in her stomach as she breathed, "i'm so sorry."

the woman smiled gently, her fingers closing around halo's.

halo was so ashamed. she had come back to leia without han. without ben. both had been lost. how guilty she felt, how responsible. was this what it was like for luke?

she looked at leia in shame, but there was no disappointment in the general's eyes. there was only love. forgiveness. acceptance.

"i know you are, halo." a sorrowful smile decorated the woman's face. "i am too."

halo could feel leia's eyes on her as she wiped the tears from her cheek, wincing in considerable pain with her movements. she was too afraid to look at her stomach, at the damage that had been done. she couldn't remember much of what happened in the snow on the starkiller base, and she wasn't sure she wanted to.

"did ben do this to you?"

halo's watery eyes met leia's. there was something unreadable in her eyes, something her and kylo ren had in common. they could conceal everything they felt. halo wished she could do the same.

"no," halo said, her voice rough and low. "it wasn't ben. it was kylo ren."

leia nodded. she could not imagine the pain halo had been through, what it had been like to be there. to see everything that had transpired. she had always admired halo, always loved her as a daughter. how happy she had been when ben told her how much he loved halo. it brought her hope for him and his conflicted soul. but he wasn't strong enough. and it was no one's fault but his own.

"he was so close leia. he was almost there. for a moment, i actually believed he would come back." a bitter laugh left halo's lips, followed by a weak cough and a groan as her fingers clutched her deeply aching stomach. "but i was wrong. he's gone. i'm so sorry leia. i'm so sorry."

leia moved to sit on the edge of halo's bed, hushing her tears as she gently held the girl's head against her chest. she remembered doing the same thing for halo when she was just a little girl. barely four feet tall, with eyes so hopeful and kind. she remembered luke talking about her, about how perfect she was. how she had never been tempted, how he suspected she never would be. luke loved her so much. so did ben. leia knew that.

"don't be sorry," leia murmured, her hand smoothing down the girl's fiery hair. "luke would be so proud of you, as i am."

halo could say nothing. she only took in the comfort she was given. to be held like a child by their mother. it was exactly what she needed. after being alone for so long, she had forgotten how good it felt to have people around. people there to care for her, people to care for.

and she realized that she didn't want to live that way anymore.

an interval passed in comfortable silence before leia finally let go, looking at halo with a kind smile.

"there are some people who are waiting for you. i won't monopolize your time."

halo watched as leia rose from her bed side, and gently squeezed her hand once more.

"thank you," halo spoke, her voice thick with emotion.

"no. thank you."

leia smiled once more, before turning and walking out the door.

halo wasn't left alone for long. before she could blink rey's arms were around her neck. the scavenger spoke so quickly in her ear that halo could hardly understand a word she said. the always bright smile on her face was there, as it had ever been. she had small cuts on her cheek, but otherwise, looked fine. halo was so grateful for that. more grateful than she could say.

"slow down, rey. start from the beginning."

halo listened intently as the girl recounted everything that happened after kylo ren had faced her in the forest. she talked of finn's bravery as he fought, of how he did it to avenge halo, of how he thought she had died. she told her of how she had used the force when she wielded luke's saber against kylo ren, of how happy she had been when she heard that poe had brought her back. that she wasn't dead, like finn had thought.

then, she told her about finn. about the horrible injury he had sustained, that he might never be the same.

halo felt tears prick her eyes for what must have been the thousandth time in the last few weeks. she had cried more than she had in her entire life since she met rey on jakku.

rey sat with halo in silence for a few moments, before taking the young jedi's hand. she squeezed it as leia had.

"we know where luke is, halo," rey whispered, excitement evident in her dark eyes. "leia wants to send us to him. you and me."

halo's heart nearly stopped beating.

her breath caught in the air. in that moment, she could hardly feel the pain of her stomach. all she could think of was her master. the thought of seeing him again was the only thing that had driven her through the lonely years of her exile. he was the force behind everything she did. the reason she had made it so far. the only father she had truly ever known.

"they want to send us?" halo questioned, her voice breathy. "to luke? you and me?"

rey nodded. her eyes were so eager, her face so sure and elated.

"when can we go?"

"whenever you are ready."

halo wouldn't let her injury stop her. she couldn't wait any longer. the thought of being reunited with her old master was too close, too tangible. she wouldn't let it slip away before she even had the chance to live it.

"let's go, rey. let's go now."

[ book one is almost done.

:')

- kona ]