And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Toby searched his seat in the economy class - that would be in the 3rd last row, next to the window panel. He didn't mind to be in the crowded plane. He guessed no one knows he was an actor and if they knew, he didn't mind.
He took out his phone, earphone and a new book he just purchased randomly - Incognito: The Secret Lives of Brain by David Eagelman. That would help him endured the 3471 miles journey. The non-stop flight would take about 8 hours if there was no further delay. He put his shoulder bag and some hand luggage into the upper compartment.
"Excuse me, Mister." Someone called him from his right.
"Yes?" Toby saw a man in her 50s walked towards him.
"I think you drop this. This photo must be important for you," That man in American accent passed to him a photo - it was the polaroid wedding photo of Mary and Francis. He must dropped it when he was taking out his passport. Probably it slipped in between his notebook.
"Oh, thank you." Toby said. The man sat next to him and there was another guy in the three seater row.
"Your wife is a very beautiful lady. And a beautiful wedding photo. You're a very lucky young man," the man gave a compliment. Toby blushed and smiled to himself. He didn't know that was a fake wedding.
"Yes, she is lovely. Thanks again." Toby said. He was grinning widely, feeling very proud of his TV wife. Both of them seated comfortably, fastened their seat belts while the stewardess rearranged and closed the compartments above.
"By the way, I'm James." The man introduced himself and shook hand with him. He was a very warm and friendly man. Toby just introduced his first name. He slipped the photo in between the first page of the book.
"You're married very young. I guess it is a good decision. Young people should be encouraged to marry early. Have a family. Any children yet? " Toby was startled a bit. He didn't know how to respond. The conversation seemed escalated very fast into his fake marriage. He felt he shouldn't keep pretending but he didn't feel awkward with this middle-aged man. He just looked like a father figure.
"Not yet. We're just married for a few months," Toby lied again. He was blushing but pretending to be busy with his new book. He admitted he never felt so embarrassed. He was about to start reading when the conversation with this stranger started.
"I'm sorry if I'm interfering with your personal life. I, myself, married at young age. In early 20s." Without hesitation, James took out an old wedding photo from his worn out wallet, showing his young self in tuxedo with a beautiful bride in white gown. He said, "We're very uncertain of our marriage in the beginning but very happy in the end. She isn't only my wife but my best friend."
"Really? Best friends?" Toby was surprised. He felt less uncomfortable.
"Yes. If she's still alive, next year will be our 30th anniversary." James continued. Toby was startled. He did not know how to respond.
"I'm so sorry..." Toby said slowly. He wished he didn't encourage this man.
"That's okay young man. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma 6 years ago. She was a strong woman that I've ever encountered in my life, going through many tests and treatments. But she never complained... She knew she wouldn't living longer than her physician's expectations. She even help me going through the hard times. She knew that I can face the life without her.... All she wanted was my happiness. I always feel she was always there for me during my difficult times," James explained it in a very calm manner. Seemed like he has rehearsed this conversation many times.
Toby was speechless and horrified. He remembered the movie he watched with his grandmother. Almost a similar story. A man lost his wife. It must be a very unpleasant experience for him, he thought.
"How you managed through this...?" Toby asked slowly, almost whispering. He felt chocked with his own emotions.
"When she left, my life was a total mess in the first 6 months. I missed her so much. I wasn't prepared to be left alone. I almost lost my job. I had difficulty to concentrate and making decisions."
"I still remember how much I feel - numb, shocked, and fearful. I feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. At some point, I even feel angry at her for leaving me with kids and responsibilities." Toby was listening quietly. He was holding his own tears and yet this man was emotionally very strong.
"I went to a support group. Then I realized that I'm holding on to the past too much. I almost neglected my two kids even though both of them already grown up and married. There's so much happiness blinded from my vision that we are actually blessed with five grandchildren." He smiled and took out another photo of him surrounded by his 5 beautiful kids. It must be a couple of years ago.
"My daughter is happily married to British man and they have been living in Essex for almost 10 years. That's the reason I came here." He smiled again and continued, "I thought life was very unfair for me when I lost my Mary Ann, I mean my deceased wife. But I gained happiness with new family members. They are my support. They healed my pain." He smiled again in the end.
"I don't know what to say..." Toby stammered. He thought his burden was too much. But he realized this man journey of life was harder. Toby almost forgot the book on his lap.
"Life is a journey...And you're still young in your marriage. So much to explore. My piece of advice - Remember always to say I love you and thank you. Never assume she loves you, say it. Sometimes it was difficult moment in your relationship, but keep on falling in love with her. Don't quickly judge her. Each of us has weaknesses and differences. That makes us human. Forgive and help each other. Make sure your wife is your best friend, no matter what. That kind of friendship lasts forever." James said.
"That's indeed a very good advice,"
Toby wasn't sure whether he needed this advice or not. But even though they were not married in real life, he felt it did make sense in their relationship. She always wanted him to be her best friend. No matter what.
Their conversation was interrupted by the flight announcement on safety aboard the plane.
He almost forgot about the book on his lap that he wished to read. It didn't interest him very much right now. He opened the first page and found their wedding photo again. He looked at it with a different feeling, a full of hope. And his mind kept replaying the scene of Francis and Mary's wedding day, when Mary walked toward the aisle in her white gown and how they danced beautifully that day. His only wish that moment was to see his beautiful wife as soon as the plane landed in Toronto.
"There's too much thinking going on. To be sane, we need to be together" - Francis
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