The Love That Never Fade

The Emotions Within

I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them,
to enjoy them, and to dominate them.
-Oscar Wilde

Toby felt day by day became harder for him to face Addy. The love that he had for this time was even deeper than the first time he fell in love with her. Initially it was only feeling of admiration. But he felt so strong that he guessed Addy might be feeling the same way too. He just wanted to be close to her, just to reassure his fluttering heart whenever he missed her. He wanted to hear how much she loved him if it was real. No more hiding as Francis and Mary.

He was busy for a several days which made him felt apart from her. He did not want to appear desperate in love, he was pretending to be as usual, not obviously to be near her. It made him feeling partly confused. He was playing with his own emotions, partly denying, partly agreed with his true feelings. His mind and heart debated for his next move in this "relationship".

He wanted to text her every day but felt it was inadequate, inappropriate. He wanted a real human conversation with her just to enjoy her silence with her sweet smile and flirty brown eyes. There were thousands of emotions he could see and admired. He couldn't expressed them by words. He felt he was giving them too much injustice.

Toby was staring at his phone, not knowing what to text... He felt no reason. Do I need a reason to love her? With all kind of books and poems he had read before, he just lost his idea. Does love made me numb with words? What's wrong with me?? I need her and I just do know what I want?? Ugh!

He was cursing himself, in his contemplation, when Alan came sit next to him at the corner before their next take which would be a quite serious and emotional scene - the death of a father and a grieving son. Toby seemed didn't notice Alan was smiling at him who was with a very serious face. He had a fake eye patch and bandage smeared with fake blood on his left eye due to the accident in jousting tournament.

"Hey son? Trouble with your girlfriend? Or with the script?" Alan's questions startled him. He looked at him, slightly puzzled. Alan sometimes called him son as well as Francis.

"Nothing. No problem. I've read this three times," Toby said plainly, pretending he didn't hear the earlier question. He looked intently at his script on his lap.

"Common Toby, you don't have to hide. It's about that girl, eh?" Alan sounded like a father to Toby, who already widely opened his eyes, not believing what Alan just said. He just didn't know how to respond. Is he talking about Addy? Oh no...

"You remind me of myself when I was young, and much more good looking... Well, I still.... till now," Alan chuckled. Toby too. Alan has the character who always praised himself, like King Henry, even he looked like a deep sh*t at this time.

"You're still... Not bad looking. Bolder.. even with baldness and this eyepatch, bandages. More like an injured Captain Barbosa," Toby teased him. He chuckled and raised his eyebrows in agreement. Toby felt a little bit at ease.

"You know what... I fell in love with many girls in my life. Some of them beautiful, cunning and ambitious... I feel like a game that I need to discover which one is better from one to the another one. I wasn't thinking about their feelings. That's my fault. But the first girl that teach me about love was a special girl that didn't really admire my popularity as an actor," Alan said lengthy. He was telling Toby openly a secret part of his glamorous life. Toby knew he was a bit like a playboy but didn't realize the real story behind it. Initially Toby felt he wasn't interested to hear it. But he just let Alan chattered.