The General Store

Chapter 30: Suicide Attempt

'Patrick, open your eyes, c'mon talk to me please.' I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and my nose begin to tingle.
'Please Pat please.' I begged, holding his head up a little bit to check if any damage had been done. My nurse instincts told me the vertebrae and his muscles in his neck were just bruised and I wouldn't have a paralysed cricketer at my feet. I stood up and was frightened by my ghostly reflection staring back at me in the mirror, was this really happening?
My shaking arms dragged his heavy body through our house and into our car. I couldn't have cared less about the people with cameras and the people who would release news article after news article about the incident, in those heated minutes my only aim was to save the life of my husband, who's life was only just beginning.
I switched on the radio and heard the gentle tune of Van Morrison's 'Brown Eyed Girl' flow through the speakers. I turned it up and turned down the road.
'Now, Pat what were you thinking?' I asked calmly, my lip twitching as I spoke.
'I know it was hard, you should've told me Darling, we could've done something.' I sniffed, turning the heavy car into a park out the front of accident and emergency. I leant over and felt for his pulse.
1...2...3...4
'Slow, dangerously slow, but steady.' I thought to myself as I hauled his body from the car, his heavy legs flopping onto the bitumen.
'C'mon Paddy, please wake up, please talk to me.' I felt the tears begin to fall as my eyes focused on his blue lips. I hovered my hand over them, trying to feel for a slight gasp or soft breath.
Nothing.
He wasn't breathing.
That's when I began to panic.
'HELP! HELP ME PLEASE!' I screamed, falling to the ground, Patrick's head landing in my lap. I had caught the attention of a ambulance officer, who's leather boots pounded towards me. He rested his hand on my shoulder, making me jump.
'He tried, I think I got there but I don't know.' I cried, wiping my nose on my sleeve. The ambulance officer, wove his arm underneath Pat's legs and then underneath his shoulders. He lifted him up and began to walk inside. Not rush in, just slowly make his way inside without making a fuss.
I was awfully grateful for that. I raced in front of him and held the door open as he carried my unconscious husband through into the busy Hospital.
'See that bed?' He nodded toward the unoccupied bed up against the wall.
'Yes sir.' I replied, my voice raspy.
'Prop the pillows, and pull off that top sheet.' He said, I did exactly what he said and as he laid Pat down, a swarm of medics came from nowhere. My head spun as a million voices questioned me.
'He, He, He was in the shower, hanging from his belt.' I gasped at the words that had just fell from my mouth. My hand flew over my lips at the realisation of what was going on in front of me.
'He just attempted suicide?' I questioned, turning to the ambulance officer.
'Yes Ma'am, and you've done very well.' He smiled softly.
'Patrick isn't like this, I thought he'd gotten over it, I thought he was okay.' I pressed my hands against my eyes as I dropped to my knees, my striped skirt pooling around my legs.
'Mrs Carmondy, even the toughest men or the most famous cricketers are effect by trauma. He was at a war, he was lost in the jungle, that will stay with him till his dying day, you've got to remember that. No man can live with the fact they've shot someone, or they saw their mate get shot, a human brain does not work like that at all.' The ambulance officer sat down beside me, his eyes were distant but he was right there.
'My name's Charlie, I was at Vietnam just like you two, Patrick was the coolest guy in the jungle and I never got to meet him, because the day his battalion was passing through my best mate was blown to pieces and I spent the day on my hands and knees finding every last piece of him.' He explained, tears trickling down his face.
'Oh my goodness.' I squeaked, looking at him in astonishment.
'Carrying Patrick in tonight, it was an honour, because I have finally carried in a fallen comrade, I've left so many behind Mrs Carmondy.' Charlie rose to his feet and sent me one last look. 'He'll be ok, just promise me you won't let him lose.' He whispered before walking away.
I was stunned, Patrick had experienced so much and I had no idea about it.

'Mrs Carmondy?' My head shot up. 'You can come down and see him if you want.' The nurse informed. I scuttled down the hallway and stood at the door. Peering inside I was blinded by the fluorescent lights that hung above the bed. I pushed inside and took the still hand of the sleeping man.
'Hello my darlin'.' I kissed his forehead, pushing his damp hair back and listening to his heart monitor. His breathing picked up and his eyes began to flutter.
'Pat? Pat, it's alright, you're okay.' I blubbered as he gripped my hand. He began to cry, his chest heaving with the violent sobs he produced.
'I didn't mean to, I wasn't meant to kick the chair out, I wasn't thinking.' Pat screamed, his arms pulling my convulsing body down to his.
'I know Paddy, I know.' I wrapped my arms around his head as I bawled.
'I don't want to keep you awake at night, this isn't the life I had planned for us, it isn't the life I promise you Murph.' His eyes were full of fear.
'Through sickness and in health, through every up and down, Patrick, never will I refuse to sit up all night with you and listen to you cry or laugh or sing, no life is perfect and this is ours and only we can make it better.' I cupped his warm face, his lips weren't blue but his eyes were tired.
'I can't do it by myself anymore.' Pat whispered.
'You don't have to.' I leant down and kissed him passionately.
For the first time in our marriage l, Pat realised I was more than just his best friend. I was his shoulder to cry on, his number one supporter and his second half. The half that would never leave him, that would nag and pester him and the half that would love him with ever inch of it's being.