Break My Heart Instead

KISS ME THEN

Months had passed. Both Leo and I avoided the conversation about our so called love/hate relationship. I still love him, I do. But I couldn't wrap my mind around why he wanted to dump me. Maybe he saw someone else? Or he though of me as a... no! He would never. Leo gave me headaches, but I love to think about him. We needed to talk things out. I needed anwers to my questions.
•Why did you leave me?
•Do you even care about me?
•If not. Why don't you care about me?
•why would tou try to play me for a fool, when you actually saved me?
I've got so many questions haunting me.
I sat on the sacco sack, quietly waiting for Leo to come in.
"Hi." I said.
Leo sat on the desk and looked at me. Was it that obvoius to see that I was up to something.?
"We need to talk." I said.
Leo came towards me, and I got up too. We gave each other serious looks, and Leo was ready to listen.
"Yeah um... I know we haven't talked so much about it and, I totally support if you want to be with someone else.." I said.
Leo took a step forward and I took one step back.
"Mhmm... and your point?" He said.
"Well. I mean, we broke up right?" I asked.
My confident faded away, he made me very nervous. Leo came closer, and I hit my head against the wall. This was my limit, I couldn't go further backwards. He leaned his one arm against the wall locking me in place. No way to run. My breath stopped, and it was harder to say the things I was supposed to say to him.
"I didn't want to break up, infact I really really want to be with you" he whispered.
My heart skipped a beat, it changed the rythm. Everytime he came closer to me would my heart beat faster,.but when I secretly looked at him behind doors or through windows, would it slow down.
I closed my eyes and leaned back, he slowly kissed my neck, and further down my collarbone. I grabbed the hem of his shit and clenched it. A thousand thoughts went through my mind, it was chaos. He had to stop, but I didn't want him to. I pulled him even closer to me and felt his chest against mine. I swear it's not my fault it is his. He kissed my cheek, and millimeters before his lips were about to touch mine I pushed him away.
"STOP.! We can't" I said.
Leo's face, his smile faded away. He gave me the space. He wasn't close anymore.
"If you don't love me. Say it to me." He said
"I do love you. I love yo more than you love me. I have allways loved you, even after you broke my heart. I cannot think of someone else replacing you." I said.
I ment every word I said to him. It was hard to get them out, but they came out.
"So kiss me then" he said.
"I can't" I said.
We were nearly done solving our problems and booom, now I threw the grenade at him. Another confusion.
"Why?" His voice cracked.
"Because, your heart doesn't beat for me like mine beats for you" I said
"How? Why do you think that?" He asked.
Honestly I had no idéa, but it didn't feel right. It felt different. That was why I was confused in the first place.
"I'm not the ordinary human" I said.
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE. ALL I WANT NOW IS YOU, YOUR KISS, YOUR SYMPATHY, YOUR LAUGHTER, YOUR SARCASM." he said raising his voice.
I walked to the bed, I was so tired. No idéa why. I was afriaid I was going to get a headache. I just wanted the pain I felt around him to go away. I want it to be like before.
Leo slept next to me. He wrapped his arm aroumd my waist and pulled me close to him.
"Don't leave me alone." I whispered.
"I won't. I love you. I love you and I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting you the way I did, and I know that you are not the ordinary. I know it.. I don't know how." He whispered.
I cracked a smile. A warm feeling went through my whole body.
"I'm tired of space. I want you back." He said
He kissed my ear and my forehead.
"Can I get the kiss I deserve..?" he asked.
I felt the need to tease him a bit, he had to beg for it this time.
"Hmmmm.... what if I say that I don't like you anymore" I said.
"Oh..Mila.. you are not that good of a liar"he said.
I laughed, and he hugged me tight.
"So. Mila. I will count from 15 and back and if you don't give me a kiss untill the time run out..." he said.
"Then what.
"12, 11, 10, 9, 2, 1"
Leo tackled me down, he was hovering over me holding my hands down on the bed locked with his fingers. His hair fell on my forehead.
"Hey, you forgot 8 and 7 and 6.."
He leaned down and kissed me. It was slow and perfect. What an amazing way to make a girl shut up.
"Do I have to steal another one?" He asked flirty.
"It's okay. I'll give them to you" I said.
We were done talking. For every kiss I gave him, it felt easier. I feltbthe conection, we were getting back together.

There is allways going to upps and downs in our relationship. That is how it works, and our love is complicated. It can never rain forever, or bloom flowers everywhere whenever we feel for it. I think I needed to feel some pain to fully understand his situation. The pain will dissapear, I know it. I will get through it. Trying to forget him was impossible, I would never be able to do that because, I love him.