ᴘᴏɪsᴏɴᴏᴜs ʟᴏᴠᴇ

Prologue

Ten years of relationship, one reunion. What could possibly go wrong?

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained. I have been in a relationship with Mingyu since ten years. I never wanted to leave my friends, neither any of them but what came in the last years of our high school was something we never expected.

The last day of farewell is still incomplete Just as me-Chou Tzuyu and Jeon Jungkook.

Loving him was like drinking poison. Slowly killing me from the inside out.

Friends became enemies, lovers became haters, life became hell And hearts were broken. Again.
Will one reunion make up to everything?

•••

I slowly open my eyes. The light is too bright that it hurts my eyes and to be honest, I want to walk in the darkness once again. I don't feel good....I know what I am feeling.

It's guilt.

Guilt of leaving everyone behind and not able to make everything normal before I left. Instead of making everything normal, I ran away. I'm a coward. My feelings were mixed up.
And now, I think I know what I feel.

Babe. A voice calls out to me. I sat up on my bed and a smile forms on my lips.

Breakfast is ready. Mingyu, my boyfriend since I was in sixth grade entered the room.

Love ya. He says pecking my lips. And again, I didn't felt what I felt a long time ago when he kissed me. The spark, the tingling sensations, my fast heartbeat. I didn't felt anything. I wonder if he was the one who kissed me or maybe it was someone else who stole my first kiss.

Oh you bitch, you clearly remember it wasn't----

There's nothing to remember.

Fine. Be that way.

Love ya too... I smiled as he searches for something in his drawer while I try to bury my conscious who was continuously providing not so important memories to my head.

My life is perfect.

Having a perfect life.....isn't it boring?
Wouldn't you get bored of the same everyday routine? Wouldn't you get bored of the same everyday happiness from the same everyday things?

Everyday will be same, Every happiness will be same, no new adventure, no new love, no jealousy, no fake acting, if that's what a perfect life is, then I don't want it.

But, I already have it.

Here. He handed me a invitation to something.

A reunion.

If you want to go. We should go. Though I don't want to see them all after everything. He says sitting beside me.

We should go. It's been four years already. Four years since we all separated. Four years since I think, I know what I feel. If I go, then again my heart will trick me. And again I will once again, walk on the dark path just like I wanted to moments ago. But it scares me.

He scares me.

I want to go. I say and he nods before I lay my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around me.

I never really hugged him. All we did was to hold hands and make eye contact. We weren't even in a relationship.

Last time I checked, you did hu---

Shut up.

And yeah, that ki---

Fuck off.

I wanted to get rid of it. Of his memories. They don't hold any meaning. But somehow, I still remember them. And I wouldn't let myself forget them. Lying to my own self has become one of my habits now.

I'm not even honest with myself, how can I ever be honest with others?

Goodbye... My eyes shot up and I look at him and then at his hand. He slowly extends his hand for me to shake. I look at him, tears welling up in my eyes.

I want to tell him so many things but am unable to. I promised myself in sixth grade that at the farewell party, I will tell him. But the only words that left my mouth are...

Goodbye.... I slowly extend my hand and now my hand is in his hand. The warmth of his hand captures mine as we slowly shake hands while looking at each other's eyes. His eyes were plain. No emotion, no tears, like this wasn't effecting him at all. And somehow, that affected me a lot.

It all started with holding hands and it is all ending with holding hands....

I look down at our hands connected as he slowly removes his hand from mine. He looks up at me for the last time and smiles. His eyes are so mesmerising. His faint smile fades as he walks past me. I'm left here standing dumbfounded just like every other time.

Something took over me. My gut took over me, no, maybe my feelings did. I grabbed his wrist and he stops moving. He turns slightly and looks at our hands.

They look good together.

We do too.

What? He says smiling like always.

Tell him what you felt, what you feel. Tell him. You can't let this feeling carry on. Even if he leaves, love will come again. Tell him or else he will keep lingering in your heart like this.

I stood frozen staring at him as he stared at me. I wanted to speak but it was like my lips were glued together. When I finally mustered up the courage, the only words that left after my sigh were,

Nothing. With his other hand he gently shoves my hand away. It was harsh. To me, it was harsh. He turns around just as I turn around, knowing I can't watch him leave. I hear the sound of his footsteps fading.

I couldn't do anything. A tear slips from my eyes as I try turn around but stopped in my tracks.

If I watch him leave, I won't let him leave so it's better to walk away. And all my life, all I have ever watched is his back. Him leaving me behind. Every single time.

I took heavy steps in the opposite direction without looking back. We went separate ways as I whispered a little,

“You lost”

That was the last time I saw him.
Back then I told myself he will linger in my heart if I don't tell him, and it's true. After that day, I never saw him. But that doesn't mean I don't remember him or think about him. My first love and the person who have one piece of my heart with him.....

Jeon Jungkook.

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