Carter.

6.

The pizza just got here and we're all currently sitting in the living room. Emma is sitting on the love seat and that leaves Grayson and I on either side of the couch. She definitely planned that, I'm not sure if I'm mad at her or grateful??

We just brought the whole box of pizza and put it on the coffee table. Emma put on some cooking show for back-round noise. I can tell she wants to talk to Grayson. And I know Grayson wants to talk to me.  But I don't want to talk to anyone.

I grab the smallest piece of  pizza and put it on my paper plate. I can't do this. If I weigh over 90, my mother will take Emma and me. And that can't happen. If Emma knew that she wouldn't be forcing me to eat this. I can tell Grayson is watching me out of the corner of his eye, to see if I'll eat it or not. I have to. He can't find out. Nothing good can come from any of this. My heart rate picks up and my fingertips start to go numb. This is too much.

Emma is already on her second piece; I wish I could not care. I can tell Grayson is about to say something if I don't eat it. So, I take a bite. It's so good but yet it sits heavy in my stomach. I slowly eat the rest of the piece and I can see Grayson relax and watch the TV show. I think it's chopped?

But I feel awful, my stomach is swimming. What if this is what makes Emma go with my mother? What if everything over that last two year was for nothing. I need this out of my body.... right now.

"I'm going to shower." I announce fast and toss my plate on the table. Emma nods way too this episode of chopped but Grayson looks like he wants to say something. I don't give him any time to say anything, I get up and go upstairs. I need this to leave my body immediately.

I quickly turn on some music and the shower. This should cover up the sound of me puking. I pull my hair into a bun with shaky hands and sit in front of the toilet.

I shove my fingers down my throat until they hit the back. I gag for a little until the contents of the pizza finally leaves my body. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and lean back on the wall.

After a minute or so I stand up, brush my teeth and jump in the shower. I wash off the day and all the tears I cried today. Enjoying the warmth against my skin and say a pray it washes away all my marks.

I just don't understand Grayson... what could he really want? Why do I feel so naturally safe around him? Why am I even letting this boy into my life? Looks what's already happened.

I turn off the shower and wrap my body with a fluffy towel. I look at myself in mirror and all I can see is dirt and gross marks from where everyone has touched me without my consent. It'll never wash away.

I walk to my room and jump out of my skin and literally scream when I see Grayson. He jumps from my scream.

"What are you doing in here?!"

"I was hoping I was wrong... but I wasn't and then I couldn't leave." He seems close to tears.

"What are you talking about it?" Like I don't already know. Maybe he's wrong?

"Carter, you're beautiful" He looks into my eyes. My whole body turns to fire.

"I would like to get dressed now." I blurt our not wanting to be in my towel anymore.

He pops up quickly, "I'll be in the hall." He closes the door behind him in record time.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I supposed to do? My head is spinning and my fingertips and toes are tingling. I'm losing control, I can't breathe right.

I quickly put on a sports bra and shorts. I walk to my closet to get a big t-shirt. What am I going to do? He's seen the bruises, he's heard me puke, he's seen me all dressed up and not get back until 1:30am. I fall to the ground in a ball. It's all ending.