Carter.

Epilogue.

5 Years later...

Emma's POV

The leaves crunch under my feet as I approach the grey headstone. This never gets easier. It's the 5 year anniversary of Carter's death and Grayson and I meet here every year.

I wrap my coat tighter around my body as the cold wind sweeps up my hair. I close my eyes as I take in Grayson's slumped over body in front of her headstone. He seems to be talking to her so I hang back for minute.

The years have not been very kind to him. His body looks tired, over worked and under slept. I can tell from here that he has a decent amount of stubble on his face. He's still handsome as ever but the breath of life still hasn't come back to him.

I can't say much because I can't imagine I look much better today. I run my hand through my messy blonde hair and take quick steps towards the grave.

"Hey." He greets without even turning and looking at me. I take a seat next to him.

"Hey." It's always awkward at first. "How have you been?"

"Fine I guess. I just graduated the police academy and I started solo training about a month ago."

"That's awesome." He told me three years ago that he was changing his major from engineering to criminal justice to help others like Carter. Carry on her legacy in a sense.

"How about you? How's college treating you?"

"I still haven't decided my major but I have until the fall to do so. I'm thinking social work or something along those lines. Brock and I just signed a lease on an apartment about 20 minutes from my campus and 30 from his practices so that's nice."

"I'm really glad y'all got together. How long has it been?"

"Thanks, me too. And we'll be celebrating 2 years next month." Everything is good, happy stuff but our tones don't match our words. Sadness fills the air.

"I miss her still." He mumbles the confession like he's embarrassed.

"I think I miss her more each day."

We sit in silence for a bit.

"Did you see the story they ran in the paper this week?" His sharp words catch me off guard.

"I don't read the paper Grayson." I answer simply.

"It was about your mother. They printed the suicide note. How did they even get that?" I suck in a quick breath at his words, I haven't even read that thing in years.

"It's probably public record or something. Did they post the whole thing?"

"Yeah, a photocopy of it. It was a whole article about Carter's 5 year anniversary but they made it all about the story of her tragedy not her."

"She would have been glad, she hated the spotlight. Anyway so it's not about her."

He chuckles a little, "Yeah, that's true."

"They even posted the part of the note to me?" I ask the more I think about it.

"Yeah. The whole fucking thing. How sorry she was and how the meth she started taking took her mind from her. The voices told her too, all the bullshit." His words cut me like a knife.

I had almost forgot all the excuses my mother used. Schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder brought on by the meth she started doing after my dad passed. She claimed prison sobered her up and she couldn't face the pain and damage she had done to Carter. She said it was too much to bear and six months after Carter's death she hung herself in her prison cell.

Which just left me. Me and my aunt who I hadn't seen more than ten times in my entire life beforehand.

"Do you believe her?"

"I believe she was fucked in the head but nothing excuses what she did." He leans back and looks at the sky.

"Yeah. Is it bad I miss her too?" My gut churns from the pain just saying that question out loud brings me. 

"Not at all Em. You lost your entire family. It's normal to miss all of them."

"Yeah. At least I got to live it up in Hawaii with my aunt for three years of high school." I lightly joke. We both know those years were not fun for me.

More silence. "Are you seeing anyone?" I ask the question I always hope has a different answer than the last year.

"Nah. I don't think I ever will." Same answer as always.

"She would want you to be happy, have a family." I glance over at him and can tell he's been crying this morning already. His blue eyes dull and shallow.

"I'm not too sure about that."

"I am. She loved you. She'd want the best for you."

"No, she just wanted me. You read that report, her last words were just I love Gray. But I was too fucking late."

"She signed her own death away the second she locked you in the bathroom and delayed us like that." Angry seethes out of me. She couldn't let me help her even once.

"She thought she was protecting us. She thought-" His voice brakes.

"She thought wrong."

"She did." He manages to choke out. "I should have told her my dad had pulled some strings and the place was getting raided. I just needed the fucking address..."

"I know Grayson."

"At least all those bastards got life or the death penalty."

"Yeah." It's a small comfort that no one got away with it. Her death didn't go unpunished.

"Have you talked to Hannah at all?"

"A little. She just started a teaching job at the local elementary school and she seems to love it." Her step-dad got life in prison, she's struggled for a few years with her mental health and recovering but she's finally on the right track.

"That's good. That would make Carter happy."

"It would. You should umm talk to Brock, the boys miss you." I throw it out there.

"Yeah, I will. I've just been so busy with the academy and all."

"Okay good."

We sit in silence for a while longer. I soak up the warmth of the sun and try to ignore the cold breeze on my cheeks.

"I'm going to go." Grayson says abruptly standing to his feet. "Take care Emma. Live for her okay?"

"I always do. See you next year?"

"Yeah okay." He mumbles as he shoves his hands in his pockets and walks off.

I talk to Carter some, I tell her all about my new apartment. How Charity and Ruby got the place right next door so it's not even going to be much different than the dorms. I tell her how much Brock practices and travels being one of the starters for the Chiefs. I cry some when I tell her how much I wish she was here.

Finally, I tell her I love her and to say hi to dad for me. I stand up and dust my butt off. The walk back to the car helps calm me down. I always feel better after talking to her.

I open the passenger door on black rental car.

"Hey sweets." Brock soothes as I climb in the car. He immediately grabs my hand and I let my head drop back.

"Hey." He offer a slight smile at my words. "He's the same."

I answer his question about Grayson before he can even ask. He nods and puts the car in drive. Grayson has pulled away from all his friends, they can barely get him to answer a text anymore.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I know Carter wanted me to be happy more than anything so I was glad to tell her how much better I am this year." He squeezes my hand reassuringly.

I loved her so much.

The End.