Carter.

26.

Thanksgiving is unfortunately here and I've worked every night this week since I don't have school. I've been able to hang out with Grayson and the boys a few times during the days but not many.

I could hardly sleep last night, I didn't get home until 3 am and think I slept a total of maybe an hour. It's currently six in the morning and my heart hurts. I can't help but think about my dad. If he was here we'd be already up getting food started and wearing match football jerseys. My dad loved the Chiefs, man he'd love Patrick Mahomes being on the team now.

My mother didn't say a word to me last night after work. So who knows if she'll be here today, she didn't tell me I was working tonight so I assume that means I'm not. She always barks at me at the end of the night, "Tomorrow at 6, be ready." If I have work the next day, but she didn't.

I hope she's gone and Em and I can spend the day together. I managed to hide some thanksgiving food in the back of fridge that I made a couple days ago. I just want to spend the day with Emma and talk about Dad.

I try to force myself to fall back asleep but it's no use. I get up and slip Grayson's hoodie over my head and make my way into my bathroom. After brushing my teeth and throwing my hair into a bun I decide to check if mother is still here.

I make it half way down the stairs when I hear her in the kitchen. It's too late to go back so I sit down on the stairs in hopes she won't notice me. She's on the phone while digging through her purse.

"No, it's not in here. You don't understand, I need some today." Need what?

"Because Richard." Richard? I thought she broke up with him?? Has she been lying to me? She's silent for a little. "I can't. I can't stand to look at you after I know you touched her." Me? She's definitely talking about me.

"I'm not fucking dumb. I know how that place works, you choose her." Her voice raises a little. "If I knew who else to call I would." What is she going on about?

"A weekend? A whole one? There is no fucking way. I told you, we're not going to work out. Stop! Stop asking me to marry you. It's ridiculous." She groans. Marry her?! I just wish I knew what he was saying on the other end of the phone.

"Well fucking hell Richard. I just can't seem to stay away from you either, and it makes me hate myself even more." So she's still seeing that low life, great. "Cut the bullshit, I'm not a teenager anymore. Fine, fine! I'll come over but just know it's not for you or even because of you. I need it, today is hard day and I can't be in my mind today. Yes. I'll take way too much to drive home so." She stops talking abruptly and groans loudly. "It doesn't mean shit." At least she has a backbone with him. "Fine be there in an hour. The fuck do you think I am? There is no way in hell I'm cooking you thanksgiving food. Make that bitch Heather do it." A smirk grows on my mother's face. "Oh it's Hannah, totally forgot. See you soon Dick." And she ends the call.

That was a lot of information to take in. I watch her gather together her stuff and run back to her room. What stuff is she talking about? Alcohol? You don't think it could be... drugs? No, there is no way.

I can't move from my sitting position on the stairs, my head is heavy with the new information I'm trying to process.

My mother runs back and forth for about 20 minutes before she finally heads out the front door. I creep down the stairs and watch her car drive away. Not even a note for Em and I. She really has just given up on even pretending she's a mom.

I start to dig through the hall closet and find the old box of Thanksgiving decoration. We always just decorated the dinning table so it wasn't much but enough. We used to always put of christmas stuff up the first weekend in November, so to pretend to not skip over thanksgiving we had one table full of thanksgiving shit. My dad loved the holiday but he never cared for decorations, my mother did. She used to decorate our house every couple months with the year. November-January was christmas. February through mid-March was Valentine's. Mid-March through April was Easter/Spring. May through July was summer and 4th of July stuff. August through September was fall decoration. And October was halloween. She didn't care for the way thanksgiving decorations looked so she just skipped doing the whole house.