insane. ➼irwin

her heart

jasey and i

stood in a small record shop

one day after relentlessly tedious session.

as she skimmed the endless racks

her fingers running through them

her feet tapping to a tune

from the rusty old speakers

and her lips puffing out smoke.

“when are you going to

stop smoking, jasey rae?”

i wrapped my arms behind her

kissing her cheek.

i nuzzled into the material of her sweater

for she rarely wore one

much less one so cozy.

 

she took another puff and

blew out a small ring of white

from her half-lit cigar.

she smiled at me then

threw her smoke by her feet

as her heels grounded the dying flame.

“now, i guess.”

she said even though she knew i knew

that she would light another in her car.

and her eyes lit up

her pastel coloured nails ran through the aisle

reaching for an album called nothing personal.

“i love this one the most.”

she said, clutching it to her chest.

“why?”

i would have thought she’d choose

put up or shut up.

 

“because, dear ashton.

it has the song stella.”

when that did not offer enough explanation

“i didn’t even know that the song

was about beer

even though i’ve heard it

a billion times before.”

her sweater paws covered her giggle.

i laughed because

“i didn’t know that until two seconds ago.”

 

“dear jasey rae

i’m glad you’re not conceited.

for a second i thought you’d choose-“

“put up or shut up, i know.”

she finished for me.

“but the song is quite sombre

and i don’t want that.

at least a song about beer

makes beer seem pleasant

and it makes me feel warm.

instead of telling people

‘i like that one song about

a quick one night stand that ends bad’

i can tell them

‘i like that one silly song all about beer’

instead.”

 

i took the masterpiece from her hands

and also put up or shut up

and paid for them at the cashier.

i loved buying things for my jasey

for she could not afford such things.

she calls them ‘sad casualties’ and

she could not have anything she wanted.

every good thing she has

is either donated or she’s had for years.

 

but she has a good heart

because she’s never, i swear

ever kept anything better for herself

she’s beautiful and yet even so, alone.

but she was a sister

to more than fifty homeless children.

the day we went back

to the old orphanage

the kids swarmed all around us.

you can just feel your heart bursting with warmth

the empathy you feel deep inside

for all these sorry children.

jasey was so beautiful

because she cared for every

single one

of them

with her heart and soul.

how could someone like this

take a life of another?