insane. ➼irwin

tell.

we never mentioned

that night ever again.

i never asked

and she never said anything.

i do not know

what changed that night

but it felt different somehow

when i set my eyes on her.

perhaps it is the feeling of

being connected to jasey rae

emotionally in a way

i never had the chance to before.

i understood her so much better

than i ever did.

but on the downside;

i truly got to see

the number of cracks dear jasey tried to hide

in a façade behind her smoke

behind her smile and bright blue eyes.

she was broken

and she believed herself to be

irrevocably irreparable

that it made her stop

her cries for help.

 

we spent one particularly cold friday night

in the comforts of the sheets in my dark room.

the rain was pouring and

you could almost hear the thunder

approaching the red roofs above.

“your room is cool.”

she told me as she looked around.

my walls were painted a deep red

they almost looked black.

my old red guitar lay in one corner

and my book rack

which did not really have books

lay in the other.

clothes littered the scruffy red carpet

and the bed was unmade and felt lumpy.

it was simple, messy but me.

 

“it’s okay.”

i said because i didn’t want

to hurt her feelings.

she did not have such casualties.

she did not have a nice room

she did not have nice clothes

she did not have a guitar

she did not have books

she did not have a rack which

was supposed to filled with books

she did not get to lay in bed

with her bowl of mikerowave popcorn

and a cup of black coffee

watching the likes of an old movie that

features black and white men.

she doesn’t have these

and it’s quite sad.

 

i turned to look at her

after the credits; and sad soundtrack

 which were supposed to make you feel different

after the movie played out.

“jasey rae,” i whispered

and she knew me enough to move closer

and let me hold her the way i always did.

“ashton irwin.”

i smiled.

“i’m going to tell you something

and you will let me.

i’m warning you because i know

deep down in that pretty little heart of yours

you’re going to tell yourself it’s not real.

but right now i’m assuring you it is;

do you understand?”

i asked.

“i understand, ashton.”

 

i stared at the beauty

the Lord has granted before me.

the smooth of her skin

as i held her closer;

the warmth of her breath

as she held onto my arms;

the blush of her cheeks

as i leaned in;

the curve of her nose

as it met my own;

and the pink of her lips

as they barely brushed mine.

 

and it took no longer

than a few moments

for us to meet in the middle.

her lips were soft and sweet

from her wine and smoky from her cigar.

“i love you.”

i whispered almost desperately.

 

we broke apart

and i swear she looked more beautiful with

each passing second.

at that moment i didn’t care if

she did not share my passion

or my love.

all that mattered was

the fact that jasey knew.

 

“ashton.”

she said and held my hand in hers

our foreheads touching

and my poor heart racing.

“i love you ashton irwin.

i have loved you from the moment

you handed me that tiny box

 of marlboro blue ice.”

:*:*:*: