insane. ➼irwin

different

i told her i wouldn't let her die

that i wouldn't let her leave me.

i told her it may have sound selfish

but she had my heart

and she was my love

my sweet dear sweetheart

and that if she died

she would take along half of myself

in a way nobody else ever would

and her dying would mean

that i would have to face the world alone.

the world had never seemed so dark

with the thought of losing jasey;

i have forgotten how the world was like

without jasey containing my every thought

and consuming every inch of my being-

mind and soul.

she waved me off and told me that

we couldn't change anything

no matter how hard we tried.

i was angry at her for thinking so.

there is always something to do

to stop the consequences.

always.

we just had to find it.

and she just had to believe

that this was something we could do.

"we can't promise anything.

i'm just telling you now

or ordering you per se

to not be too sad when i leave.

i want you to move on and forget me.

don't forget us, ashton

just forget me."

"how is there an us

without you, jasey?"

i asked.

"figure it out, irwin.

you're smart."

was all she said in reply.

i didn't care who was watching

drop after drop of my tears

trickled down my cheeks.

jasey held my face in her hands

and kissed me tenderly.

she was really going

and she was going to do nothing to stop it.

"i love you;

always remember that."

she whispered.

"but let us both stop lying-

look me in the eye

and tell me you can save me."

i just looked at her as she continued

because she knows i have no answer.

"and it's all so dumb

because there is no hope."