insane. ➼irwin

outrageous

they tried to bring her back

they tried everything.

i saw all the wires and tubes connected to her.

nothing seemed to work.

all i needed was one heartbeat; one fucking heartbeat

but she was gone

there is nothing else to be done except blame myself

for she died earlier than her mark

with me controlling the wheel that ended her life.

and it just isn't fair because

i earned a cut on my head and a scratch on my knee

and she lost her life.

it's not fair.

now i sit here in the hospital waiting room

endlessly crying myself hoarse for a life i had taken.

my love is gone

gone forever

with my heart along with it.

one of the nurses sit next to me

and hands me a cup of coffee:

i'm too sad to tell her i prefer tea.

"i'm very sorry, sir

for your unfortunate loss."

and so i snap angrily

"you don't even know her

don't you dare say things you'll never mean."

then i apologize to her for my manners

and take her coffee

and she understood.

she smiled and she understood

because she's probably heard the worst.

i can still hear her voice ringing inside my mind

as i sipped the black coffee

that was added too much sugar.

"i love you, ashton."

"i love you more than any person

that can love another."

"please make love to me."

"kiss me, ashton."

"where's my smoke, did you take it?"

"black coffee with no sugar."

"look at that man with no hair"

"this scene could have been written better"

"this wine is not the same pink wine."

"i love you, please remember that."

this must be how death feels like.