Who Am I to Love You? (HiJack)

10

hiccup.

"Shit."

I feel my body become so hot as each minute passes and as I check my temperature, I fear that for the first time in eight years, I acquired fever. Every time I get a fever, my body is unable to move and breathing becomes hard for me. I become temporarily paralyzed and it's making me uncomfortable. I try to reach for my phone which was on the desk, but my short arms couldn't reach it and to my expected failure, I fell flat on the floor. 

"Jack..." 

Really. I didn't want to call out his name. It wasn't like that! Why would I say his name and call it out like I'm desperate for his attention? I'm sick, and I might be okay tomorrow with my face flat on the floor and my limbs not cooperating with me. I'm getting dizzier every moment and as I drift off to sleep, I guess I might be better off dead. 

The thoughts of my negativity just scampered through my mind like wildfire. It's not easy feeling what I'm feeling. I'm having feelings for another guy, my father doesn't know that I'm gay, and coming out seems to be one of the most terrifying things on my list. But, it shouldn't be that all bad. If I've accepted my sexuality, why can't others do the same? 

Yeah right Hiccup. Like it's that easy. You'll be thrown away for good. Jack isn't coming. You'll stay here, miserably sick and paralyzed. My phone was ringing non-stop but I couldn't answer it. I  can't move at all. "Hiccup, please answer your phone. I'll see you tomorrow at school." From Jack again. He's called me nine times but that's the first time he's ever left a voicemail. I wanted to answer it this time though. 

My head keeps spinning and my eyesight's getting blurrier. Suddenly, I heard someone banging on the door downstairs. "I can't answer you...come again next time." I said in such a soft voice. I hate this weak body. I may only get a fever rarely, but whenever I do, I feel like such a wimp. The banging suddenly stopped and that led me to think that maybe he heard me or something, which was impossible. To be honest, I wanted that someone to come and rescue me from this sorry state and the thought of it made me tear up. 

"Hiccup...?"

Oh no. It's Jack. He'll see me like this.

I want to hide away quickly. I need the blanket but it's so far away from my reach! The door opened and I saw a worried Jack rush to my aid. "Hiccup!" He said, shaking me. God damn it, I'm awake! But I pretend not to be because he might know I'm anticipating this moment. I peeked a little to see what was going on, but then he kissed me and I felt water splash into my mouth and I suddenly woke up. I coughed it out. This man, without second thoughts, kissed me. If it was to save me, then it's all good, but it's a different thing to me. It's really different. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, and I hid my face since I couldn't forget about the kiss. It was so confusing. I looked at him in the eyes and nodded. Even though my body was still numb and tired, I gathered all courage to stand up. "You can go home now." I said, pushing his help away from me. He shook his head. This guy is really stubborn huh. "Not a chance, I'll be taking care of you until you get better." The moment he said that, he grabbed me by the waist like the leading men usually do to the damsels in the romantic movie. 

But I'm not a damsel. And the more of his romantic gestures towards me increases, the more I'm not digging it anymore. It's not funny playing with feelings Jack. "Let go of me!" I shouted and struggled, but I'm weak right now so I'm totally useless. He pinned me down the bed and covered me with blanket. My tears couldn't help but overflow because I never imagined this moment in my life. This was so draining. "Sleep. I'll be back with food." He said and left the room. 

I wiped my tears away. It's unclear to me if these tears are of sadness or of joy. I couldn't seem to differentiate the two since I'm having mixed feelings. "Why are you even here? I don't even want to see you." I said, trying to hide the fact that I cried. Jack chuckled. "Well, good luck with that because I'm not leaving until you get better." He left the room and when the door closed, and took a deep breath and pinched myself til I could convince myself I'm awake. I just can't seem to feel this surreality since I never experienced being taken care of before besides by my parents. This is all new to me. And besides, he's the one I love.

He came up again and offered me soup and chicken. I looked at it then went sulking again. "I said I'm fine." I said, stubbornly. Suddenly, he held my arm down the bed and I looked at him, tired. "You're really stubborn, aren't you? I'm sorry for everything..." He said but I looked at him as I listen to the weird things he was saying. It was all nonsense and I didn't like every bit of it. I glared at him and he gulped at the sight of me angry. 

"Just how shallow are can you be? You think I'm angry because I'm gay?" I said and he shook his head, denying the thought completely. "That's not it! I feel like you don't want to talk to me about it, that's why you speak to Astrid. But, if that student-teacher is who you like..." He said and I sat straight up on my bed, silently judging this man who's got some illogical mindset. "What?" I said in distress. 

"He doesn't suit you. I don't like him." 

His eyes were speaking truth. I could see it. My heart started thumping but I've decided to ignore it. Right now, the man in front of me is an idiot. He's dense, he's insensitive, and he shows me motives even though his feelings for me are platonic. I grabbed him by the collar so he can see how serious I am. My feelings aren't a joke. "You have the urge to hate someone, when you don't even know who I really like! Dumbass! Get out of my house, now!" I shouted at him. 

"Then I'm going." He said, not even apologizing. 

"Yeah, just leave." I said then turned to the window, sniffling. 

"Eat the chicken. It'll make you feel better." He said and I didn't turn to him in any way. He's just so dense it' making me mad. "Bye." He said then finally left the room. I don't know if I'm wrong or right, but he has to get it somehow. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean any man will do for me. 

"It has to be you Jack. Stupid." 

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