Who Am I to Love You? (HiJack)

13

jack.

I can't breathe...my heart's about to explode. I can't breathe.

I thought accepting Hiccup's sexuality would be a new possibility for me. I'm raised not knowing about their world. The gay world. But, what different is my world to theirs? What difference is there? Am I just making the boundary that separates me from Hiccup? I can't believe I ran away from my best friend. All this time the one he likes is...

me.

My phone suddenly rang and it was a call from Thiana. She's left fifteen voicemails for me to listen to and I haven't even had the chance to do so. I was so coped up with taking care of Hiccup that I've forgotten I had a girlfriend. I answered it, and she was crying. 

"Jack!" She exclaimed. 

"Thiana." I said her name. 

She was sniffing on the other end. "You, I left many voicemails! You haven't answered any of them! What are you up to?" She asked and I grit my teeth. I do it when I don't know what to say. "I was at Hiccup's house. He had a fever so, I had to take care of him." I told her and she chuckled. "I thought it was something else." She said and I was confused. Did she think I would cheat on her? Why would she think so low? Maybe it's because I haven't been giving her the attention she needed that's why she thought of that. 

"Hey, I'll call you back later." I told her and hung up immediately. I need some time to think. Hiccup kissing me made me confused, angry and relieved. Why was that? Is there a possibility that somewhere in my heart I could make a room for Hiccup? But I'm not bisexual. I'm not gay. I like girls. Girls are cute. 

But why do I think Hiccup is cuter than girls?

I still don't get why Hiccup would meet up with another guy while having feelings for me. Or maybe, he wanted me to stay away so he kissed me. But he told me not to blame him later on when he did that. Why did he say that? Blame him for what? The odd thing was that I didn't hate Hiccup's kiss. I actually longed for more. 

I started sweating real hard. I think I acquired his fever. But I'm stronger than this, so I have to gather all the inner strength I need to go somewhere else. I just need some time alone. I got scared of the possibilities that I ran away. Yet, I can't see Hiccup as a potential lover. I only see him as a friend. The kiss is messing me up! I need to forget the kiss!

It started to rain really hard. I don't have an umbrella with me, but I kept walking to the bus stop. I sat on an open bench, until someone stood in front me holding an umbrella. What a kind person. I saw their face and it turns out to be Astrid. "What are you doing here without an umbrella? Idiot." She said. She wiped the seat next to me and sat on it, holding her umbrella. 

"I was going to the cake shop then I saw you, looking all gloomy. I could listen you know?" She said and I shook my head. 

"I had enough of people listening to me for now." I said. 

She gave me a slight smack on the head. "If someone offers you company, take it!" She exclaimed and I sighed. "What would you do if the person you least expect to do something to you, does that something?" I asked and she looked at me with the eyes that see an idiot. "Rephrase it please. I don't understand alien dialect." She said. "Someone kissed me, and I ran away." I told her and she smiled. 

"So he came out of his shell, huh." She said and sighed. 

"You know?" 

She nodded. "Being Hiccup's best friend, you probably feel betrayed that he's kept so many secrets from you." She said and I nodded. "I do feel betrayed." I said, bowing down, trying to keep calm. "You know why he's secretive towards you? Because he's afraid you might get rid of him once you knew his secrets. It's not easy being gay, he knows that. But he felt that if he quietly supports you with your love, then he'll be the best friend you always wanted and knew." Astrid said and I felt tears form in my eyes. Hiccup's done all he could to support me, yet I...never noticed the hard work he's been pouring just to make me happy. 

But he made himself so lonely. 

"I confessed to Hiccup but I knew it would end up futile. He has someone he liked. I just didn't expect it to be you at first." She said, painfully. I patted her back and she shoved my hand away. "I don't need your comfort, okay? I've accepted that long ago." She said. "Girls do have strong instincts." I muttered and she smacked me again. "You have a girlfriend, but it looks like you're confused." She told me. "I don't know. I can't see Hiccup as a potential lover, you know? I like girls." I told her. 

"Is that so? You know, Hiccup begged me to help him move on from you. That's why he met Jace. And it looks like Jace is honestly making a move on Hiccup." She said and it widened my eyes. "What?" I said. "Why do you think he signed up as a school doctor in our school, Jack? Shifting from law to medicine takes up a lot of time." I clenched my fists, but immediately let it go. There's no point. 

"All I want is to see Hiccup happy." I told Astrid. 

"But does that make you happy in return?" She asked. 

She finally stood up, and I noticed that the rain stopped since a while ago. "You have a lot of catching up to do with your feelings. Think about it." She said and left suddenly. What would I think about? I don't know. Everything's blurry. But, if I only cause pain for Hiccup all this time, then leaving him to Jace would probably be the best thing to do.

I've decided to only become a supportive best friend to Hiccup.

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the confusion of it all.