Who Am I to Love You? (HiJack)

19

hiccup.

"He went to the park." 

My dad said, standing beside my bed, while I am comfy beneath these sheets that are protecting me from the outside world. "So what dad?" I said and he sat down. "Remember when you asked me what I should do if you were gay and I said it's alright?" He said and I glanced over at him. "Well, I thought about who's the guy you like. And he just asked me where you've gone to." Dad said to me. 

"I don't like him." I said, still burying my face in sheets. 

"For how long are you going to run away?" 

I suddenly widened my eyes, not expecting my dad to ask such a question. "It's a rhetorical question. The answer is within yourself. You know, you're still my son right?" He said and I felt tears forming in my eyes. I didn't think I would have such an accepting father. And, right now I'm thanking God for that, honestly. I'm happy to have him by my side.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"You can stay here or go to the park, your choice." He said and I gave him a tight hug. 

I got up my bed and grabbed my jacket. "I'll be back." I told him and went for the door and made my way to the park. If there's a slight possibility Jack's still there maybe I don't need to give up! Maybe I can still agree to us being friends, I mean what's the worse that could happen? I still want to be friends with him! I don't want to push my feelings onto him any further!

As long as I can stay by his side. 

I arrived at the park, panting hard like an idiot. "Jack."I called out to him. He looked back and I feel a tingling sensation climb up on my spine. "What are you here for?" I asked and he signaled me to come sit with him. I feel nervous, I don't have an idea of what to say, I might say rude things and let my anger get the best of me but let's be calm and rational first, Hiccup. 

"My dad told me you were here." I said.

"Your dad told me you were here." He said jokingly and I didn't laugh or anything.

I sighed briefly. "Dad, really." I said and it suddenly became awkward and quiet again. I got fidgety but it seems he didn't notice. God, I'm really nervous about this, can I just bail? "You know, Thiana broke up with me." I looked at him in shock. Is this what he came to talk about? About his breakup with his cute girlfriend he used to talk me to me about before even if I already had feelings for him? Why now? 

Is it because I like him? He thinks that I would accept him that easy.

"So how do you want me to feel about it? Happy? Pitiful?" I said sarcastically. I wanted to end things with a good note. Not a breakup news that I'll only be pissed about. He grabbed my hand and I shook it off, thinking about nothing but how desperate this guy is. I want to just leave!

  "Look, I came here to end things with you. I want to whisk my feelings away. Please help me end them!" I shouted and then started crying. I feel so damn pathetic. 

"Actually, I came for a different reason." 

He suddenly started wiping off my tears. He's never done this before despite the numerous times I've cried when we were kids. Oh sure, gain my affections all over again. He stared at me like I have dirt on my face and I stared back at his. His eyes were like the sea, it was so blue and amazing. "What?" I asked him to stop the gazing.

Without my knowledge and without briefing me, he suddenly went for my lips and we spent a few seconds like that. This was our second kiss. He initiated this kiss and it was gentle, like he was careful not to make me cry. I liked it-- I loved it. But even so, I pushed him away because I don't want this kind of pity from him. I decided to be friends. So why is he doing this?

"You're horrible! Are you taking advantage of my feelings?" I shouted at him. I've never felt this angry in my entire life.

"I'm not, believe me!" He exclaimed, trying to find an excuse for me to save his sorry self. I'm not a loser Jack, I know who I am.

I slapped him without any doubts and it felt satisfying and terrifying at the same time. "Just because I have lingering feelings for you doesn't mean that you could go for it! Your girlfriend dumping you does not give you the right to suddenly jump onto someone who has unrequited love for you for almost ten years! You're the absolute worst!" I shouted and then I ran off. I couldn't deal with that situation. I let my irrational self take over me once more. 

I can't lie to myself, I still love Jack. But I mustn't let these feelings take the best of me because I'll lose the game of life. I have to keep moving forward and eventually forget this ever happened. Jack and I are friends, but the Jack I loved is gone. Forever.

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Yes, I repeated chapter 18 to adjust it in Hiccup's perspective of what happened. You know Jack being the guy who realizes and Hiccup being the guy who's point of view has evolved into something self-fulfilling. Thanks