Who Am I to Love You? (HiJack)

21

hiccup.

"Hiccup Haddock, you need to listen to me. We need to talk." 

Right before me, is Jack. He's come all this way, after kissing me so suddenly? I'm already confused! What more does he want from me? "What is there to talk about?!" I shouted, throwing my pillow at him. "Hey, that's enough man!" He said, striding across the room and pinned me down on the bed. His hand, holding down my wrist so that I couldn't go. I tried to kick him away from me, but he just wouldn't budge. 

"Let go." I said.

"Only if you promise to listen." He told me.

I glanced away from him, gritting my teeth. "Fine." I said, then Jack softened his grip on me. He moved aside and let me have my own space. What is he doing? I could easily walk out if I wanted to. Does he trust me that much? "What do you want?" I asked him. "Just time to talk. You've been avoiding me lately." He said and I clenched my fists. "Is it a requirement to talk to you?" I said and he put up a hurt expression on his face. 

How come you're the one who's hurt? 

"Just because you've broken up with your girlfriend, doesn't mean that I have an available option on my head!" I shouted and Jack looked at me strangely. Why does he look at me that way? Shouldn't I feel more hurt than him? I have this unrequited feelings for so long with no idea what to do with it. 

Without noticing, I broke down, cried on my bed and Jack was coming towards me. I stopped him from afar because I don't need his comfort right now. I want to be alone. 

"Hiccup, it's okay." He said, slowly walking up and then suddenly kneeling in front of me. 

"You have no idea how long I have waited for you. You have no clue." I said, trying to put up an act again. 

Out of nowhere, Jack wrapped his arms around me and buried his face on my chest. I didn't know how to respond with this. I'm left aghast. "W-what are you doing?" I told him, trying to get him off me, but he just wouldn't go. He stuck on me like a glue and it was like that for a minute. I stopped trying to shake him off, because he just wouldn't. He's like a koala bear, it's stressing me out. 

"Jack..." I called and he didn't respond. 

I brushed his hair and gently placed my cheek on his head. I feel reassured right now. Please, let me stay like this forever. If this is a dream, please never wake me up. I deserve this, after all we live in a society where I'm the poison just because I'm different. If this is the antidote to my poison, never let me go from this. All my wishes are coming true, and I could never whisk this all away. 

"I'm sorry." Jack finally replied. 

He kept apologizing like it was his fault that he didn't notice. It's true, I didn't want him to notice my feelings at all. I was fine with just standing on the sidelines. It was all I was ready for. But him falling in love with me? No, I can never fathom that. Hearing him apologize plenty of times makes me guilty. I don't know for what reason, but it just does. His hair mixed with the scent of the room. It was an agonizing mixture of bittersweet.

"I'm such a dick. I didn't know anything." Jack mumbled, and my eyes started tearing up. I bit my lips, trying not to whimper because after all these years he started to realize and I believe it's partly my fault. I let my feelings get to him. I am such a failure as a friend that I couldn't even keep our platonic relationship going without having to sacrifice what I feel inside.

You were never supposed to know, and you were never supposed to overthink like this. It was fine keeping it on my own. But now I guess, I feel happy this way. Even if you wouldn't completely say you like me, at least, I get to feel what it's like to have the person you like not avoid you when you say 'I like you' to them. 

It's scary and painful, but it's a relief.

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sorry it took so long!