Enough Love To Go Around

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"Harry? Would you mind grabbing the white swaddle blanket with the cacti on it from Ethan's room?" You ask as you sit down on the sofa, rocking your five-day-old baby in your arms, trying to calm him before you breastfeed.

"Yes; do yeh need a clean nappy?" Harry is a pro now that this is his second time with a newborn of his own.

"Yes please. It's probably time for a change." you say, continuing to sway the newborn up and down as his small quiet cries fill the room. Grace was a crier. When she was hungry, she let the world know. But Ethan is a calmer baby; when he is sad or hungry, his cries are a lot less dramatic.

"Mumma? We play tea party? Pleaseeeee..." Grace's voice drags out as she begs you to play with her.

"Gracie bug, Mumma has to feed Ethan for a minute. Maybe after he goes down for a nap we can play. Would you like to pull out some crayons so you can color a picture?" You try to distract her with another activity, but you're not sure it will work when you see the expression on her face.

"No. Don't want to color. I want play tea party with you." Her eyebrows crinkle, and you can see the pout slowly settling into her facial expression. If she inherited anything from her father, his pout was definitely passed down to Grace. She can pout like nobody's business.

"Well, you are going to have to wait until i'm finished feeding your brother. I'm sorry." You say. You feel bad that you can't drop what you're doing and run to her side, but Ethan is part of your new normal, and you are all going to have to adjust.

"Here ya go." Harry places the swaddling blanket over your shoulder and makes his way around the sofa. "Want me to change him?" He asks, holding his arms out for the baby.

"Sure." You lift the baby from your arms, handing him over to your husband.

"Hey stud! Ready to get yer bum clean?" Harry's voice is higher pitched as he talks to the baby, and it makes you giggle. You place the blanket on the floor and Harry lays Ethan in the middle. You watch as Ethan stretches his little body out; his fists are closed and his face is scrunched. He whimpers softly as Harry unties the knot that is loosely tied at the bottom of the grey nightgown. "Would yeh like to help, Grace?" Harry looks up at his daughter, his forehead wrinkling in curiosity.

Grace gazes at her father and down to her brother. "I got to go potty." She says, running towards the bathroom as fast as she can. Harry giggles at her reaction to his question but shrugs it off as he finishes changing Ethan and knotting the nightgown closed. Harry is swaddling Ethan in his blanket, preparing him to feed when he hears a yell from the loo.

"Daddy. Wipe my bum!!!" Grace yells, her voice echoing off the walls of the bathroom.

"Did she say 'Wipe my bum'?" Harry looks towards you, and he can tell you are just as confused.

"She can wipe her bum. Has been doing it for months." You take Ethan from Harry and prepare to feed him. "Maybe go see if she is okay?"

"Good plan." Harry kisses Ethan's head and gives your forehead a peck before he makes his way to the loo. "Yeh alright?" Harry says, sticking his head around the corner.

"Need help. Wipe my bum." Grace's voice is full of sass as she looks up at her father.

"I think yeh can wipe it yerself. I know yeh can do it." Harry leans against the door frame, curious as to why Grace all the sudden feels the need to have her bum wiped by someone besides herself. "Can yeh try? Just once. Then I'll help." Harry tries to compromise with Grace.

"Can't. Need help." Grace is unwilling to try and Harry can tell they might be here all day if he keeps trying to come to an agreement with her.

"Alright, but next time I need yeh to try. Okay?" Harry responds to his daughter. She doesn't agree to his deal but leans forward for him to help her get cleaned up. Harry and Grace wash their hands and the two of them make their way to the family room where Ethan is finishing up on the right side of your boob.

Grace runs towards the sofa, snuggling up close to your side. Her hand sneaks under Ethan as she places her hand against your thigh.

"Hey Grace? Can you move to this side or scoot over just a little? I need to move Ethan to the other side so he can finish eating." You say and Grace cuddles closer into your side. You look over to Harry and let out a small sigh, unsure how to ask her to move so Ethan can feed on the opposite breast.

"Grace? Wanna come snuggle with daddy?" Harry wiggles his eyebrows in an attempt to entice her over into his arms.

"No. Want mumma." Grace pouts, burying her body into yours deeper than you ever thought possible.

Harry stands up from the overstuffed chair and picks up his daughter, bringing her to the other side of you so you can switch sides. Grace starts to cry; she is so upset that her daddy moved her from her spot.

"Gracie bug. Mumma is right here. She needs to move Ethan, okay?" Harry attempts to comfort his crying daughter. You move Ethan to the opposite side and help him latch to your nipple. Once he is latched, you reach your arm around Grace and pull her close.

Grace sniffs her tears and walks her hand under Ethan to your thigh once again. "My turn to be held?" Grace asks. Looking up at you with her eyes wide with want.

"After Ethan eats I'll hold you, love. We have to let him eat first. Okay?" You watch as her eyes turn down in frustration. You feel her fingers move on your thigh, and Ethan unlatches, letting out a cry louder than you have ever heard from the little man.

"Shhhh." You move your arm from around Grace and try to get Ethan to latch as he wails. "What's the matter buddy?" You move your hand along his body and notice that Grace has latched her tiny fingers in a pinch on Ethan's leg. "Grace Gemma. I need you to let go. Right now." Your voice is firm as you instruct your daughter to let go.

"Grace." Harry moves his hand to hers, making her fingers release. "Why are yeh pinching yer brother?" Her hands trapped in his, Grace gives Harry the grumpiest face he has ever seen.

"Don't like Effen." Grace says. "He take my mumma." As frustrated as you and Harry feel in the moment, both of you understand how she is feeling. For the past almost five years, it's just been Grace and her mumma and daddy. So Ethan is rocking her world, and she doesn't like it one bit.

"Oh Gracie bug. I understand it's hard. But we can't hurt Ethan. He is a baby." You say, trying to help her recognize that it's okay to be frustrated, but hurting her brother isn't appropriate.

"Grace, mumma and daddy still love yeh." Harry rubs his thumbs against her hands. "Butterfly much actually. Ethan is part of our family now, but that doesn't mean we love him more." Harry reaches up, and brushes a curl away from her face. "We love yeh both in different ways."

"That's right. I love you for your giggles." You say, starting the list of things you love about your daughter and new son.

"And I love yeh for yer hugs and kisses." Harry says leaning forward and bushing his nose against Grace's, giving her an eskimo kiss.

"I love Ethan for his beautiful eyes." You state, looking down at the baby who has finally calmed and latched to your breast.

"And I love Ethan for his love of his sister." Harry looks at Grace in the eyes. "He loves when yeh hold him. Did yeh know that?"

"Effen does?" Grace questions softly, looking over at her brother who has fallen asleep against his mother's breast, her nipple falling out of his mouth.

"He does. Do yeh want to hold him?" You ask your daughter.

"Yea." Grace says, holding her arms out. Harry lifts Ethan from your arms, allowing you to cover back up. He places the baby in Grace's arms and puts a pillow under her arms for support. "I sorry I pinch you." Grace softly apologizes to her brother. She leans over and gives Ethan a kiss on his forehead.

"Things are going to change, Grace. We have a baby who needs lots of help. But what won't change is our love for you and Ethan." You reassure your daughter, hoping she will understand that you and Harry will always love her no matter what.

"That's right. We will always love yeh. Forever and ever." Harry smiles at his daughter.

"Butterfly much?" Grace's eyes search Harry's face, looking for confirmation.

"Butterfly much and so much more." Harry smiles at Grace with a smile that is full of patience, acceptance and love. 

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