Sighting frustrated I turn around again. It must be already 1AM. where is he so long? Nervously I play with on corner of the blanket. Shawn promised to be back before midnight but here I am. Laying in an emtiy bed all by my self..again. Should I be worried? No he's probably just at the studio longer..I should trust him. But can I ? He's been "working longer" a lot lately. No stop it Y/n..he wouldn't cheet. Not Shawn..
But still this weard feeling doesn't leave my stumack..
The sound of the Jeep's engine caused me to pop out if my thoughts and sit straight up, the blanket pulled up over my cleavage.
The next few minutes it felted like time got tough as caramel. It felted like it's been hours as finally the bedroom door opend and a realy tired looking Shawn rubbes his sleepy eyes. While taking off his shirt and pants. Just in his boxers, he stumbles trough the room to the bed.
"Hey" he mumbled craving up under the blanket.
Hey? That's all? He comes homes at 1AM and all I get is a hey?....he's probably just very exhausted...or..
Letting out a incomprehensible murrur I turn around to the wall
"What's wrong " his voice sounded deep and ruspy.. tired
"Nothing" I could almost feel the eyerole. But he left it with that. No digging deeper, no antempt to clear something up. Mabey it was childish from me to akt like that but would you akt that different when your boyfriend comes home later since weeks without any excuse or explanation? Mabey I'm too selfish.
I pinched my eyes together to prevent a tears from falling as the mattress next to me diped down and i was confronted with his cold back muscles. I would have done anything so I could just wrap my arms around him in the hope he would turn around and close me into his chest while squeezing me tight like he used to.
But there was something that kept me from seeking his closeness and it made it even worse.
And so I remained were I was. With the back to the man I thought of as the love of my life.
It felt like an eternity untill my breaths got finally calmer.
Right before I drifted of to sleep a thought ruched through my head. What if this doesn't change tomorrow? I know I could get better..but what if not? What if it goes on like this for ever? He comming home late forever, Me can't finding rest forever, us drifting away from each other for ever? What if this is how things are now?..
'then what if you're not there tomorrow?' a quiet voice in my head which I tried too ignore speeks up. Yeah..what if?
Stop Y/n your not thinking properly . You shouldn't just run away....but on the other hand...why not?
I sat up to get a clear head. No. At least not now. I shouldn't do something I might regret later.
A incomprehensible grumble was audible from Shawn as turned into his back. And again his chest seemed just perfectlx made for my head to reast on it with my fingers running up and down his neck.
I love him. So much it almost hurts. But can it hurt too much at some point?
