Chapter 93

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~A/N~ Exams, friend problems and family issues have sent me spiralling again :)
Enjoy the chapter!
Leila xx

The extent of the contact I had had with my friends was one letter to Calum, begging him not to tell anyone about Naadiya - I didn't want their false sympathy constantly reminding me of what I had lost. According to Zara he was in the village a lot, wandering around the places we used to spend our holidays as the Three Musketeers, but I hadn't really left the house since the funeral.

It was always silent, which was pleasant for me but without distraction I was left to my own thoughts a lot. My parents had both left to numb their pain - my father was in Scotland, climbing mountains in the hope that he could walk off his grief as if it were a sprained ankle, and my mother had gone back to Pakistan to sort things out with relatives there.

Sofiyah and I were left in Zara's care, but it was clear she wasn't in a fit state to be a guardian. My younger sister spent the holidays almost entirely at her friend's house, while Zara got herself a gruelling temporary job so she could take her mind off the current events. Every so often, she would drag herself back with a fresh bag of groceries and some dry conversation with so much left unsaid.

The day I got my OWL results was one eagerly awaited by my friends, and I received an excited letter from Ashton about his top marks, and one from Michael, full of relief that he had at least scraped through. Despite the recent heartbreak, I wasn't stupid and I could fully tell that Calum had told them to keep writing to me although I wasn't replying. Scattered across their words was unfamiliar joy in an upbeat tone I wasn't expecting.

Luke still didn't write, and I found that I was more bothered than I imagined I would be. Grief and loneliness had sent me spiralling into madness, and I had punched more than a few walls thinking about him and his mixed signals.

"Listen, Nads," I said to the night sky, the wind ruffling my hair as silence bled into my ears. "I just don't think I can get with Luke if this sort of thing is happening. He's not making any contact, he fully hates me."

I paused to push back the tears threatening to spill, and pulled out the letter containing the information that could decide my entire future.

"I got my OWL results today, and I was saving them for you. This was supposed to be a special day, and we would all gather around the table while you opened your own GCSE results, and ammi and abbu would congratulate us and maybe we'd even throw a party-"
(Translation: mum and dad)

I caught myself before another waterfall of words could come tumbling out.

"But they're not even in the country, and I'm alone in an empty house with your ghost on the walls and no one to celebrate with me, so we can open them together."

Without further ado, I tore through the Hogwarts seal and scanned the list:

Pass grades: Outstanding (O), Exceeds Expectations (E), Acceptable (A)
Fail grades: Poor (P), Dreadful (D), Troll (T)
Arithmancy - E
Astronomy - O
COMC - O
Charms - O
DADA - O
Divination - O
Herbology - O
History of Magic - O
Potions - O
Transfiguration - O

Smiling faintly, I sighed. "This is the first good mark I've got in Divination - I think my reaction impressed the examiner. I've figured out what my vision was now; I saw myself dying in pain in the crystal ball, but it wasn't me. It was you.

"Arithmancy isn't a surprise. I missed a chunk of lessons when I quit, and I never fully understood that bit afterwards. It's fine though, I'll still be able to do whatever NEWTs I want, I guess."

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