4 X 7 Dreams

Act 2, Scene 9

"Oh, look," Hana says, waving a chip in Krist's face. "It's that expression, the one I was telling you about." She looks at Violet. "He always makes it when he thinks about his ex."

Violet hides a laugh behind a hand. "I see. It is quite... something, seeing it now."

Krist makes a face at both the women before sitting up on the bed. "So, um, Hana," he begins, feeling oddly self-conscious despite this not being about him right now. Hana looks at him, eating another handful of chips. "How—no, when—wait, no, yes, when did you figure out you were...?" It's one he had asked Singto what feels like eons ago. It's a safe question, some part of him that tiptoes around heavy subjects has decided.

Hana swallows before leaning back on her elbows, Violet shifting to give her more space. "See?" Hana asks. "You can't even say it, yet you were ready to say something to P'Yui. What were you thinking?"

Krist cringes, thoroughly chastised. "I know, I'm—"

"Spare me," Hana says, moving to instead rest her head in Violet's lap. Krist notes the way her eyes remain locked on him as she does so, as if testing to see just how much affection she can show before Krist says to stop.

Too bad he doesn't plan to say stop. He needs their reassurance. He needs the exposure.

She continues: "But I'll tell you, anyway, so we can work up to the point where you can at least say the big G." She tilts her head back to stare at the ceiling before tapping her chin. "I guess I found out when I was, like, twelve?" She shrugs, the motion awkward with her laying position. "Or, no. I guess I didn't just wake up one day and go hey! I think I like girls! No. If anything, I guess I just realized guys never struck my fancy, but there was this girl in my history class, and she was pretty and nice, and I thought she was really cool, and I realize Violet is looking really bored, so I'll stop for her sake, but there really wasn't a morning like that. Though that would make things easier." She rolls over, burying her face in Violet's side, so her words come out muffled. "For all of us."

Krist stares at her before closing his eyes. "That's what P'Singto said, too—that he just... had always sort of felt that way, even if he hadn't realized." He opens his eyes to stare down at his laugh. "So what should I do?"

A heavy silence settles over the room until Violet shifts, forcing Hana to sit up. "Krist," Violet says, in that soothing voice of hers, "do you even need a label? Can you accept that you might not just like girls?"

Krist looks at her. When she does nothing but stare back, he gives a nod.

Violet smiles, looking pleased like a cat in sunlight with the way her eyes squint. "And can you accept that you like guys, too?"

Krist nods, a bit quicker this time.

Violet laughs and leans back, allowing Hana to reclaim her resting spot. "Then that's all there is to it."

At Krist's disbelieving look, she lifts a shoulder. "If you really want a label, then it's okay to say questioning. Or even bi. Just be careful with that one, you'll never know who can use it against you in the future."

"Don't think about that," Hana says, making both Violet and Krist look down at her. "Krist," she says and reaches out a hand. Krist takes it in his. "I understand you want to figure out who you are right now, today, right away, but sometimes, that just isn't possible. Some of us never even figure out who we are, ever. And that's okay, too. So long as you're comfortable with who you are in the moment, without needing words for it, without needing justification. Are you comfortable with who you are now?" She opens her eyes and her head rolls to the right to look up at him.

Krist tightens his grip on her hand. "Kind of."

Hana smiles, like his words bring some kind of satisfaction to her. "And why aren't you entirely comfortable with who you are right now?"

"Because I have to lie to everyone," Krist replies. "I'm tired of it."

"And if you no longer had to lie?" Violet prompts for Hana.

Krist meets her eyes. "Then I think I could say I'm comfortable."

"Whoomp, there it is," Hana says from below.

Krist drops her hand, and Hana shakes it out before bringing it to her chest. "Is it really okay not to have a word for it?"

Hana groans. "Did you listen to any of what I had said? That's, like, almost the most I've ever said to you, ever!"

Krist laughs, grateful for her personality, always able to loosen up the tension, the heavy atmosphere that's settled over the room.

"So is that it?" he asks. "That's all I needed to hear?"

Hana scoffs. "Hardly. You're like a little baby compared to us. But if hearing that is what gets you to stop being so melancholic and glum, then yes, that's all you needed to hear. Congratulations, welcome to the good life."

Krist laughter echoes off the walls, and he thinks that, from this point on, things can start being okay.