part of me | e.d

seven

i wake up to the sound of cars honking and the car stopping suddenly. still feeling out of it, i try to look towards the front seat to see who's driving.

a see a guy with broad shoulders and dark hair driving, and i realize i must really still be drunk or hallucinating or something if that's who i think it is.

"ethan?" i murmur. he glances back at me for a quick moment before returning his eyes to the road. 

"you need rest, just go back to sleep rylin." he responds before he makes a left turn. i lay my head back down, trying to go to sleep but i can't.

"what happened tonight?" i start sitting up, feeling just a little dizzy. he turns his head to look at me, shaking his head.

"rylin, just lay bac-"

"no, ethan. answer me."

"okay, okay." he sighs, returning his eyes to the road. "well, first of all, you must've had a lot more to drink than i thought if you think i'm ethan."

squinting, i look up into the rearview mirror and meet his eyes. grayson. 

"shit, grayson." i chuckle lightly.

"it's alright. we are twins after all." he continues driving while i buckle in my seatbelt.

there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "so? why are you driving me home?"

"maybe we should just talk back at your place. is your dad home?" i feel my stomach drop. if he saw me like this, he'd disown me. he absolutely hates alcohol and forbid me from ever touching it. 

"no, grayson we can't go back to my place. my dad can't see me like this." 

he nods, meeting my eyes in the mirror again. "okay, i'll just take you back to our house then. i'm sure e won't mind you crashing the night."

i sigh in relief. "thanks, gray."

after a few more minutes of driving and me trying to remember what happened tonight, we finally arrive to their house.

grayson opens the car door for me, and i grip the car door as i get out to keep my balance. grayson offers his hand for me to grab as i walk out, and i take it, grateful for his help. i was still pretty dizzy.

we walk into his dark house, and he flicks on the light.

"what the fuck, gray?" a low voice whisper-shouts. i turn my head and see ethan lying on the couch, squinting his eyes from the light. kara is lying asleep on him, her head snuggled into his chest as he rested a hand on the small of her back.

i feel this sudden twist in my heart, not even realizing i was clenching my fists at my sides. seeing her this close with ethan was bothering me for some reason. 

"sorry, bro." grayson whispers, quickly turning the light off again. "why are you sleeping down here?"

"we fell asleep watching movies." 

grayson nods. "well, rylin's gonna crash here tonight. that's cool, right?" i look from grayson to ethan. 

we make eye contact for a brief second before he nods, "yeah of course."

grayson looks back at me. he cocks his head toward the stairs, signaling for me to follow him. we go up to the guest bedroom.

"you can sleep in here tonight. here, one sec." he walks out of the room and then returns with a pair of grey sweats and one of his t-shirts.

"thank you, gray." i take them and he responds, "no problem."

i smile lightly at him and he says, "we'll talk in the morning, okay?" i nod and he walks back to his bedroom.

i usually wore ethan's sweats and a sweatshirt of his and then crashed in his room. this felt weird. 

after changing into gray's clothes, i collapsed on the bed, letting sleep find me. after tonight, i felt like i could sleep for days straight.

-

i woke up finding a glass of water left on the nightstand and some aspirin. my head was killing me.

i lean over, taking a pill and drinking the water. last night was complete hell. the only things i sort of remember are talking to the girls, seeing kyle for some reason, and seeing kara and ethan snuggling on the couch. 

which i still don't understand why that bothered me so much. he wasn't mine.

i sit up on the bed, letting my legs hang over the edge. as i tried to get up, i felt a dull ache from between my thighs. 

what the hell?

i couldn't even stand. there was a sharp pain in my core every time i tried. 

i finally managed to get up, using the bed and wall to support me. i make my way to the bathroom connected to the guest room and pull my sweats down to use the bathroom.

that's when i noticed red marks on my thighs. bruises along the insides of them, as if someone was gripping them really hard. everything ached. my legs. my thighs. my lower abdomen.

i couldn't believe what i was seeing, nor could i remember a thing. i feel tears threatening to fall from my eyes, but blink them away. 

i look into the mirror and see a cut on the left cheek, the area red and swollen. there are also bruises along my jawline. 

how could i not remember any of this?

there's a knock on the door. i pull my sweats up quickly, smoothing down my hair a little before i open it.

i see ethan standing there, his fluffy hair tousled messily from sleep. when he sees me, his eyes widen with shock and confusion.

he immediately cups my face gently, tilting it so he could see the damage. i look into his worried eyes.

"what happened to you, ry?" he says softly. 

that's when i finally feel tears fall down my cheeks. "i-i don't know, ethan. i really don't know." i look down towards the ground, too embarrassed to maintain eye contact. he grabs my hand, tugging me to follow him out of the bathroom. 

the second i take a step, i wince in pain. he looks back at me, seeing my discomfort. "shit, sorry."

walking back over to me, he puts an arm around my waist and the other under my thighs, lifting me gently and carrying me out of the bathroom. he places me on the bed softly and then sits next to me.

after a few seconds, he breaks the silence. "do you remember anything?"

i wipe the tears from under my eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply. "not really. the only thing i really remember is grayson driving me home."

ethan sighs. "after you told me you were talking to kyle, i called grayson and told him to find you. he said he'd found you in a bedroom, unconscious on the bed." 

i remember bits and pieces of my phone call with ethan. him getting upset about kyle, us arguing.

"fucking kyle." i can see him tense up, getting angry. he looks back towards me, using his thumb to caress my cheek lightly. "i'm so sorry i left, rylin." i can hear the guilt in his voice, and place my hand over his.

"ethan, this is all my fault. i'm the one who drank too much."

"no. kyle never would've touched you if i were there to protect you." his voice cracks towards the end of the sentence. he rests his head in his hands, hunched over with his elbows on his knees. i rub his back softly up and down with my palm.

suddenly, he sits up and looks at me again. "why weren't you able to walk just now?"

i struggle getting the words out. it was so humiliating. he already thinks i'm some sort of cheating whore, and now he sees me like this. 

my voice chokes up as i finally say, "i think i was raped."

- - - 

i hope you guys are liking the story?

until next chapter! please comment and vote!

- lexi