My mother is vacuuming when I come home.
"Where have you been?" She shouts over all the noise.
Suddenly, I feel like a deer in headlights. My mind goes blank.
"Um, I was uh, with Candice! She's in my social studies class! She's really nice!" As soon as I stop talking, I can hardly even remember what I said. I need to get to my room. I can't talk to anyone right now.
"Okay!" My mother goes back to vaccuming at that, and I take it as my cue to go.
I run up the stairs, and I don't stop until I reach my room. My fingers slam down on the lock as soon as the door is shut. I set my backpack down on the floor before kicking off my converse.
What a day, I think as soon as I sit down on my bed, my hands clutching at the pink comforter.
I woke up today and thought it was going to be a regular day. School, homework, hanging out with Michelle, dinner with my family. Just a typical Friday.
It's insane how things can get out of hand so quickly.
The events of today were like a snowball. It was very tiny when Dylan started staring in second period. Then, it got bigger when he put his arm around me. By the time I had said those four words, "I have a boyfriend", it was gigantic. And when I kissed Axl, it came rolling, and crushed me underneath it.
I kissed Axl.
I wish that I could say I didn't enjoy it. It would make this easier to deal with.
I liked it. It was fun, and Axl knows what he's doing. That's for sure.
So what does that say about me?
That I'm a slut, because I kissed a twenty-five year old man and I didn't hate it, not at all?
But most importantly, what does this say about Axl and I?
Can we still be friends?
Even though I don't have any experience in the romance department, I like to think that I'm able to understand people pretty well, especially those I'm close to. And I'd say I'm close to Axl, even before today. I've known him for three years now. I've spent countless hours around him, not only talking about his band but about all sorts of things.
I know his history, how he left his hometown in Indiana for L.A.. He prefers Coca Cola over Pepsi. He's stubborn when it comes to things relating to his music and his band, but he's kind and funny and cares about his friends.
And based on all my years not only around him, but watching television, movies, reading magazines, and hearing gossip from various sources, I feel like I'm making an educated guess when I say that he didn't hate it either.
I just don't know what that means. For me, or for Axl and I's relationship.
I wish I could talk to Michelle and hear what she has to say. She can't keep a secret though, especially when it's something like this. She would be appalled.
It's one thing to think that someone older is attractive, and they're famous and unattainable. It's a whole other thing when you don't know how you feel after kissing someone who is older, and they're a close friend.
Honestly, that was more than just a kiss. Even I know that.
I was on top of him, in his car! He saw my underwear! We made out for like, five minutes! Not even a mile away from my own neighborhood! What if someone I know, or someone who knows my mother had seen?
If my parents found out, I can't even imagine the amount of trouble I would be in.
For no reason at all, I get up off my bed and go to the stand up mirror in the corner of my room with all the magazine cutouts stuck to it. The afternoon sunshine floods into my room from the window, and covers my whole body as I stand before the mirror.
I look like me. I'm still a brunette with wavy hair and my eyes are still blue and my fingernails are still painted a pale pink.
I watch the blush spread over my cheeks as I think about it all over again. I'm not gonna be able to maintain my composure the next time I see Axl.
Sometime later, when I'm trying to distract myself by doing homework, that one question comes to mind again.
What will happen to Axl and I now?
The only true way to find out is by trying to proceed as normal, I suppose.
To wait, and see what happens the next time we meet.
