No more dream

32: Denial

Jungkook's POV

Every time I tried to get Yuna out of my head, out of my heart, my heart aches. Every time I even think of Yuna, I think of the scene on the Ferris wheel. It feels like an endless loop. It's not that I want to get Yuna out of my head and out of my heart, but I have to.

Maybe if my heart keeps aching, it'll eventually give up on Yuna. I just need to keep holding myself back. I'll break this endless loop. I'll have Yuna hate me.

-

I went to school early today to help out the office, and went to the classroom. I went inside the classroom and saw Yuna. My heart ache intensifies like crazy. Thinking about her is one thing, and seeing her is another.

I saw that she was still wearing the bracelet that I gave her. I felt myself smiling because she was wearing the bracelet. Snap out of it! But before I could, Yuna looks at me and smiles.

I looked away. No no no, stoppp. I sat at my desk, looked outside, and pretended to ignore everything and everyone around me. I was particularly trying to ignore my heart. My heart was pounding so loud that I felt like it was as loud as a motorcycle making those loud noises when it drives away.

How am I suppose to hurt Yuna if this feeling keeps bothering me?

-

I can do this. When I do it, my heart will stop pounding for her. I won't be able to hurt her worse than this. She'll hate me in every possible way. My mind is telling me to do it, but my heart is telling me not to.

I dragged Yuna to the rooftop. "What did you what to talk about in such a hurry? You know I can walk by myself." I let go of her hand. I looked at her in a mad expression. Even looking at her with this expression hurts.

"Are you an idiot?" she looks at me in bewilderment. "Bwo?" "It funny how you can wear that bracelet so freely, it disgusts me. You know, I brought you to the amusement park, not for you to have fun, but for you to be scared."

It doesn't disgust me at all. And I brought you there to have memories with you. Hurt started to show in her eyes. "That's right, I knew you didn't like heights. I didn't even know you liked cheap stuff like that bracelet. It's like how y-"

"Stop!!" She walks to me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Look at me and tell me what's wrong." I push her and she falls to the ground. "Aren't you hearing what I'm saying? We speak the same language, don't we? I'm saying that what's wrong, is you."

What's wrong isn't you, it's me. I don't know how she can understand me so well even if I'm trying to cover it up with lies. I noticed that she scraped her hand and it was bleeding.

"I did the embrace, the kiss on the forehead, and giving you that bracelet so that I could see how vulnerable you are when you're hurt. You should see the way you look right now."

"Don't talk to me ever again. I had my fun already. Don't ruin it." I was walking to the door when I felt something holding my sleeve. "You're such a coward!! You spat lies at me and you think you'll get away with it?"

You wouldn't understand if I told you the real reason. You'd probably keep sticking with me and hurt yourself more in the end. It would also leave me with scars that would have everlasting pain.

"Coward? You're the coward because you don't even want to listen to the truth that was put in front of you." I tug my sleeve away and walked downstairs. I'm sorry Yuna. I'm sure it's for the best.

-

A few days after that incident, I haven't seen Yuna at school. I got worried. But who am I to be worried if I hurt her? I really wanted to tell her in another way, but I couldn't think of another alternative.

I was at home after school that day. I was on my bed, thinking about eomma, appa, and Yuna. Eomma, appa, it was good that I separated myself with Yuna right? If I declined your offer to get ice cream, or if I wasn't involved, eomma wouldn't of died. You both would've not died.

Now that I'm not involved with Yuna, she won't die. She won't be hurt by me.

-

A week past, and there's still no sign of Yuna. I decided to go to her house after school and ask Yuna's eomma if Yuna is there to check on her. I couldn't help myself. I kept telling myself not to, but my feet led the way. My heart led the way.

I knocked to see Yuna's eomma in worry. "Annyeong eomma, I was wondering if Yuna is there?" I asked. I could see her stiffen. "She's not here. She hasn't been here since last week, and I'm worried. Usually she would text me that she went somewhere and usually she doesn't leave the house for a week."

I panicked. Did she run away? Did what I say hurt her more than I expected? I texted her.

Yuna, where are you?

Aish, what am I suppose to expect? A reply? After what I've done, I have this part of me that wants to just stay with her till the end. My phone vibrates and I look quickly at my phone.

Don't talk to me. I hate you. Just go die already.

———

Yuju and Jungkook both have red hair now. I'm so happy :D