Elton's sister has been on the youtube channel, TFIL since it started she recently hasn't been on it because she has been super busy. She joins TFIL again but will the truth get out about why she really wasn't on for those few months? Will she devel...
I woke up in my own bed. I just needed a break today. To be alone and just think. I got dressed really quickly and put my hair in a ponytail.
I decided to leave my phone in my room so I wouldn't have any distractions. I went to a place where I went when I was still dating my ex, Matt.
It was a quiet place that hardly anyone goes to. It's an abandoned farm field that no one knows about except Elton and me.
I never knew that being alone could be one of my favourite things to do. Being alone made me feel so relaxed.
Being in the trap house and trying to think with peace and quiet, was like trying to get peace and quiet in a football stadium during a game.
I hadn't told anyone that I was leaving and I didn't feel like telling anyone. If I told Colby he would have probably wanted to come with me or want me to take my phone with me.
I would probably be here for at least a few hours but I didn't care. This place was so relaxing.
My thoughts kept getting in my way.
Does Colby really love me? Do his fans secretly hate me? Should I not upload to youtube?
Everything was crashing down on me. I knew Colby would be worried and Elton probably would too.
I couldn't concentrate on what was important though.
What am I going to do?
All these thoughts in my head were bringing my anxiety level up severely. I didn't want to go back to the trap house so I went to my best friends house.
Heath. Heath always knew when something happened between Matt and me. Yet, he didn't tell Elton.
Yes, you're probably wondering why I stayed with Matt when he abused and raped me.
I guess I was just scared of being alone. Scared of not finding love again. Scared he would abuse me even more if I tried break-in up with him.
I got in my car and drove to Heath's house.
When I got there I hesitated to knock on the door but I did. The doorknob turned and then I saw Heath.
"Saf?" He said as I hugged him. I haven't seen him since I left.
He invited me in and we sat down on the couch. "So how have you been?" He said.
"Well, I still have nightmares about all that shit that happened," I said to him. "Oh, I heard you and Colby started dating," he said.
"Yeah, I'm not 100% I'm ready for a relationship yet though, I just don't want to hurt him, I'm just scared something will happen," I said to Heath and he just looked at me.
"I have to get back to the house, I'll talk to you soon," I said standing up and hugging him.
I walked out the door and got in my car. I drove away and stopped at Starbucks.
When I got home, I heard talking in the kitchen so I tried to sneak upstairs. Of course one of the people in the kitchen was Colby.
I wasn't trying to avoid him, I just wanted to spend a day without him. "Hey, babe," Colby said. "Hey," I said going upstairs.
I went to my room and locked my door. I wanted to cut but I couldn't pull myself to it. I pulled out my laptop and tweeted: One of those days :(
I looked at apartment listings nearby. Elton didn't want me to get an apartment on my own because he was afraid that if he came over he would find me dead or unconscious.
I knew he cared but sometimes I felt like I wanted to hurt myself in a way that wouldn't be able to heal.
I heard a knock on my door. "What," I said with no emotion in my voice. "It's Elton," they said. "What do you want," I said still no emotion. "You doing okay?" He asked. "Why does it matter, I'm fine," I said to him as I heard him walk away.
Truth be told, I wanted to leave this place, this earth, this house.
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It was now a few hours later. Everyone was starting to go to sleep so I decided to leave.
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@safinacastee - I'm leaving, bye
liked by eltoncastee, coreyscherer, colbybrock and 368,854 others
173,958 comments-
@colbybrock - are you doing okay?
@fanacc1 - everything okay
@eltoncastee - be safe
@hateacc1 - leave this planet it would be better off without you
@fanacc2 - @hateacc1 fuck off
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I then tweeted before I went out the gate: For everyone asking if I'm okay I want you to know that I'm fine. I'm just really busy and tired.
I read a reply: The last time you said you were busy you left TFIL for 5 months so stop lying.
I went to a park and sat in the dark for a while looking at the stars. I didn't have any self-defence items. If something happens to me I'll let it.
I wanted to let go, Get over what happened in the past. Sometimes you can't. How much you try to forget you end up losing yourself in your thoughts.
