in the dark ─ ❝ jachary x zorbyn ! ❞

5🌙

Song: Something Wild- Lindsey Stirling from Pete's Dragon

JACK

I've been thinking more and more about Zach and my depression that comes along with every though and of him. My inner demons are telling me that I'm not worth it but somewhere I know I am. I know that I'm strong and that I can get through this, my love for him is boundless. I was listening to Something Wild by Lindsey Stirling and it sparked a fire inside me. "Maybe I am stronger than I know..." I thought to myself contemplating what had just come out my mouth. "I can do this!" I said with reassurance in my voice knowing my worth.

You've got a big heart, the way you see the world it got you this far

You might have some bruises and a few scars but you know you're gonna be okay

"I know for a fact that I love him, all the cuts and scars on my wrist remind me that I wasn't worth anything, he makes me worth something. He does so much, even if it's just giving me the occasional warm smile or hug it means so much especially when it comes from him it lights me up inside every time. But even without him I'm still incredibly special to people." I say as these lyrics run through my head.

Even if you're scared you're stronger than you know

If you face the fear that keeps you frozen, Chase the stars until into the ocean, that's when something wild calls you home

"Today I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna face my fears and tell Zach" I say doubting myself, but I end up doing it anyways. I walk out of my room and go join the boys who are on the couch laughing and scrolling through something funny as evident by their laughter. As they are laughing I get sucked into a trance affixed on Zach's gorgeous smile and laugh that can light up any room. "God he's he so cute" I say chuckling at the thought of how cute he is at the moment. I mean seriously when is he not? I thought to myself making me smile as this came to mind.

I snap out of my trance by a shake of my head, coming back to reality. As I do this I start to approach the laughter filled boys and I say "Whatcha doing guys?" I ask as I begin to sit down and seeing they are dying from immense amounts of laughter.

"Hey Zachary can we talk? In private..." I say wanting his approval for the fact that it's meaning to me is indescribable. "Sure...." he replies quizzically with a sense of confusion as he accepts my request.

———————————————————————————

ZACH

I'm not quite sure what's going on at the moment but it seems important since he used my full name. He never does that unless... wait I stop myself as we head to his and Corbyn's room, wait is he.... I think he is. Even though I think I know I don't assume and continue on into the room, I sit down anxiously awaiting for him to speak even tough I can see fear in his eyes and also see that his lips won't let him for the words that I believe he wants to say 'I'm gay'. Before I can go over comfort him he pushes me away rejecting my hug and saying I can't almost likes he's about cry and let me down, but not only me... but himself. I can't stand to see him broken and hurt like this it-i just can't I love him to much.

Now that I think about it I think I'm only with Corbyn to shield me from the harsh reality that I will never end up with Jack. Part of me doesn't want that to be the case, but it is and I have to except that. After Jack's panic attack he locked himself in his room, I want to go in there and comfort him but I know he wants his space and that's something I have to respect.

-TIMESKIP-

I end up just staring at his door for what seemed like minutes but turns into hours soon after all the boys are walking past me about to go to bed, it's about 10 at night and I'm still staring at his door mindlessly spaced out just...staring and thinking. "I hope he's ok, what if he's hurting and feels alone?!?" I contemplate frantically stressing me out, now it's about 2 in the morning. "I'm worried I want him to be ok, maybe I'm just overreacting" I say sounding crazy as replay what I just said in my head. "Yeah, that's it, I'm overreacting" I say out loud trying so hard to convince myself that this is in fact true. As I say this I can see through my facade that I put up. As all the thoughts from before come pouring into my head all at once overwhelming me and I begin to sobbing uncontrollably, minutes later I fall asleep to my soft sobs as I curl against the curly headed boy's door. Hoping and praying he's fine, but deep down I know something is seriously wrong but I don't know what. I love him so much it pains me when he smiles and even looks at me. I'm hoping just hoping one day that I can be with the love of my life, but I'm with Corbyn he's so happy with me and I love him for making me a better person and all, he's really happy he found someone and I don't want to ruin his happiness and bliss by ending it all. He deserves better. Jack, Jack he truly makes me happy more than anybody on Earth, but I'm committed to Corbyn! Am I though? I think second guessing myself,"I'm losing myself when I trying to find myself, that's ironic" I say with an insane like tone in my voice as I form these words. This is the last thing I can get out before falling into a deep sleep.

A/N THE TEA!! Lmk what ya think plz comment I'm lonely and rlly want to hear from u! Hehe bye!

Love,

Jack♥️😇💎🌙