in the dark ─ ❝ jachary x zorbyn ! ❞

9?

ZACH

Songfic

Song: Shake It Out Glee Version

I really need to let it out, how you may ask? You have Jack! You might be thinking. While that may be true, nothing fixes problems like food... yes I'm Anorexic I just feel like no one can really understand me? Y'know? The only thing that I feel does is food. See, I've always had this relationship with food that's always been unhealthy and painful. I don't want to do this to myself , but I feel like it's the only thing that actually listens to me for real, I sound insane, I know. It's just always been there for me. It just gets me, I don't know I've-I've always thought I was fat and everything I was doing like eating out was only making me fatter. I want to be skinny, I feel really really fat and I've always been super subconscious, we all have our flaws...and that's mine. (A/n If you're confused on how Anorexia works I'll go farther into it just read more)

I wake up feeling like crap, I roll out of bed, remembering that spent the night with Jack again. I feel that aftermath of my stomach grumbling because I haven't eaten in days, I hate that I feel this way, but I feel like it's a burden. I have this mindset that I need to be thin.

I get dressed and head out the door for a morning run before Jack and the boys wake up, "You need to burn off these 300 calories you ate in that cookie the other day!" I say as I close the door behind me, the brisk, cold, morning air hitting my face as I step out of the house. I start my run as thoughts like "You need to go on this run to stay thin and slim!" "You are to fat and people will look at you weird if you don't shave off this fat!" I say to myself picking up my pace to a full on sprint as the harsh cold wind swiftly brushes past my face. "People hate you, they think you're worthless all because of your weight!" By now, I've forgotten where home is, at this point I don't care! I just let these thoughts come and go. "Everything you eat is fattening, that cookie, those chips, that pizza! It's all fattening, fat you don't need but eat anyways!" I think out loud, holding my head in my hands furious of what I've become, "You're way too big! No wonder you wear baggy clothes!" This one finally broke me, I turn around sprinting home, not caring that my legs want to give up. "The boys, they don't love you, they just do it to make you feel happy because they don't want to hurt you! Jack doesn't love you! It's all a ruse!!"

As I said this tears started flowing down my ace uncontrollably, occasionally tasing the salty tear I bust open the front door and storm up to my room, as I head there I see I look of shock and worry on the boys' faces. Most of all being present on Jack's, it caused me to farther sob and loose it, him actually acting actually hurt me instead of provoking the usual happiness everyone else feels. Well I'm not normal so...I guess it fits, I laugh to myself as all of this runs through my head. Soon I reach my room slamming the door as hard as I could not even caring, like it could fall off the hinges at any moment. Knowing Jack, he would come storming into my room trying to fix me and fix my problems, the truth is he can't. He can fix everything else except this-this is who I am!

"I'm the tiny, small, worthless, gay, anorexic, pathetic, 16 year old! God!" I say with such anger that I'm bursting at the seams. Little did I know, Jack was standing in the doorway that led him to his fate and soulmate that was now broken and beyond repair. I hear soft footsteps, not thinking anything of it, I see Jack walking towards me as I slowly turn my head. Him equally hurt that this is me: the Anorexic gay, sad, depressed, teen. The happy, spunky, fun, 16 year that he fell in love with on that fateful day? That's all gone.

Jack doesn't say anything, he doesn't have to, his eyes the beautiful coco (idk if that's right ok?) eyes I get lost in every second I'm with him shattered. They lost their sparkle, he just looks so-so puzzled yet destroyed at the same time. "Why? Why?" He finally speaks up through the tears causing his face to turn red and inflamed from it. "You don't need to change for anybody! Ok?!" He says yelling because he's a mix of angry, hurt, and upset. "You are perfect!" He says, this time with a calm, caring, and sweet tone, letting me know I'm appreciated despite what I may think. He truly cares about me and would never leave me, and I love him for it!