in the dark ─ ❝ jachary x zorbyn ! ❞

14🌙

JACK

"Mom I have something that I wanna talk to you about..." Zach says taking his mom's hands gently, as if to soften the blow that's to soon come. "Look, I have to tell you a secret, a secret that I've kept hidden for a long time..." he continues looking up at me, as he does I can see all the nerves coming back to the surface. I take a deep breathe as if to help him learn how to breathe, being that he's in a state of shock and realization that this is happening. I mouth the words in my head as if he can read my mind: "Just breathe baby, you got this...in and out". In a way it's like it's a personal reminder for me too. After a few breathes I can see he could tell what I was thinking as he blushed a bit at the thoughts in his mind.

"You're so special to me..." "Zachary what is going on?" She sounds almost angry... "Mom please just listen, for me?" as he says this I can see her anger fade away into empathy and compassion as she tries to understand the situation. "Zach, did get a fan pregnant?" She says, attempting to think of possibilities as to what he has to tell her that's so important. "It's not that Mom! I promise...ok?" he says rubbing circles in her hands as to center her emotions once again. "It's just that I've watched my whole life, and you've always been so strong." Gazing into her eyes, trying to fight away what might be tears trying to escape. "Done exactly what you've believed, and not cared about what anyone else thought of you." He continues rubbng her hands in order to keep her calm.

"Tell me about you're life, I know mine honey..." she says trying to avoid the subject she believes is coming inevitably. "Mom...I love boys the way that I'm supposed to feel about girls..." He says, finally letting it escape as a tear trickles down his cheek, eye's stained red, as if he's thought about the outcome and the damage this could cause in his head. Calculating it. But truth? Emotions can't be calculated because they are genuine and what make us...well, us. "It's-It's just something that's always been inside of me, and I really wanna share it with you because I love you so much, I want you to know me mom. Who I really am..." I say with the utmost love and care for her.

As I finish my sentence, she looks at me dead in the eyes, not saying anything, but she didn't have to I could see that look of anger, disappointment and hatred. Not the angry kind, but the confused kind, she looked angry and confused of why her only son was like this. It hurt, it really did. "When I'm with Jack..." I pause for a moment looking up at him, wanting to cry at the thought of how amazingly supportive he's been through everything I love him to death for it. "I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love." I continue wanting to break down right then and there.

"I've to push this feeling away, and keep it locked inside, but everyday just feels like a war mom!" Almost screaming at her, angry at her for not accepting my trials and the things I've gone through that she doesn't know plus this. If only she knew, maybe then she'd love and accept me. If I'm being honest, I'm more angry at myself for: keeping it bottled up, for not letting it go, for taking it all out on other people especially him.

"I walk around so mad at the world, when I'm really mad at myself. I don't wanna fight anymore, I'm just too tired..." I say letting a tear fall down my face as he comes and wipes it off my cheek. I look up at him as he's by my side letting him see the pain and hurt behind my eyes that I know he can see regardless. I take a deep breath and speak my mind, "I have to just be me..." looking into her eyes with sincerity, hoping she'll have even a fragment of empathy.

"Say something please..." I say as my voice starts to break and crumble at thought and eventual disowning I know is coming my way. Another tear, another piece of my heart shattered, broken. "Everyone has secrets Zachary, they're called secrets for s reason." She says running my hands on hers as if to regain some of that lost part of her child and attempts to reconnect. As this happens I wanna scream because of the fact that she thinks she can still get her son back. Her Zach. When in reality, she lost him the second she disapproved of him. The second she tried to rationalize her point of view.