Nothing Lasts Forever

Chapter 26

It's official, I was nervous, I mean I have had so many conversations with Chris and I knew I could talk to him about anything, so why was I pacing and feeling like I was about to have a panic attack.

I had wanted to tell him about the whole proposal; I didn't want him to think I was keeping things from him. But I was most nervous about telling him how I felt, but even though I was pacing I kept glancing over at him to see his reaction.

After the words he proposed left my lips, I felt so much better to get it out in the open but when he said congratulations, I almost died. I mean it was Chris and he was generally happy for me about everything but couldn't he tell that I was struggling with something; he normally could read me so well but for some reason he was either off his game or just wasn't paying attention.

I stood staring down at him as he looked up at me and I wanted to shake him, or scream at him and ask what does he mean by congratulation; maybe my mother was wrong, maybe the fact that Chris genuinely cared about me is what she saw and not love, maybe I was making too much of this whole thing and maybe I needed to give Eric another shot.

I was definitely confused and didn't know what to do at this point, I decided that I needed to sit down and think, possibly even pray; "dear God, show me what to do, I am confused and I want to make the right decision, I want to take the path that you have chosen for me, please God, help me."

I felt a tear roll down the corner of my eye and I quickly wiped it away, I was silently thanking God that I was wearing sun glasses or else Chris would have seen how broken I was. The atmosphere shifted and it no longer felt peaceful and nice, but uncomfortable.

I could sense that he wanted to say something else but I didn't know what, I was silently hoping for time to go back and for him to say don't marry him, or I love you or be with me, something, anything other than congratulations.

I felt like he was telling me go ahead be with Eric because it doesn't matter to me, we are just friends and that's all we will ever be. Maybe he was really into the girl he had started dating; it then dawned on me that I never asked him how things were going between them.

Boy did I feel like an idiot, other than that first night and him telling me he went on a date after we left church followed by the diner, we never spoke about it again. Granted I was kidnapped and all that but still it's like I didn't care about what happened in his life.

"Umm Chris, you never told me how things were going between you and the girl you had started seeing."

"Oh you mean Lily, she is great and things are good between us, we hang out, talk get to know each other. She is a pretty amazing young lady."

I watched him as he spoke of her and he had a smile on his face, the stressed expression it once held was gone. I was right he was falling for this girl and here I was about to tell him I loved him and he has feelings for someone else. Boy was I stupid but I decided to be happy for Chris, he deserved some happiness after being single for so long, I was sad that I couldn't be the one to give him that happiness though.

We left the beach and chatted on the way back home, and that night we went to dinner with my family, my mom kept smiling at me and looking back and forth between us. I was trying to tell her to quit it but it was no use, eventually I decided to head to the ladies room to clear my head.

Of course my mom followed me, "Simone, what's going on did you tell Chris how you feel?"

I sighed and lifted my head to look at her and immediately tears welled up in my eyes and my mom step forward and hugged me.

"What happened baby, what's wrong?"

"He said congratulation mom, he said that when I told him Eric proposed, before I could tell him more that is what he said to me. After that I couldn't tell him how I felt because it didn't seem to matter"