The road can be a beautiful and brutal place. You fall asleep in one place wake up in another, live out of a suitcase for months at time. You live for the roar of the crowds, the smiling faces at the Meet & Greets and the perks that come with it. The road can also be a very lonely place and after months of playing night after night to sold out crowds your body is no longer your friend but truth be told I wouldn't trade this life Jared and I have created for anything in the world. Then there's the other part, that Jared and I would sooner love to forget.... we enjoy the warmth of a body from time to time but it's also that emotional connection we crave and that somehow manages to elude us..... well me anyway. Relationships on the road are incredibly complicated and down right brutal at times but not entirely impossible.
After the show in Arizona I soak in my ice bath for a few minutes, enjoying the break from this blistering heat. Aside from cooling me down the ice relieves the swelling in my achy back. I think back to the beginning of the tour when Jared swore I'd sing Remedy live eventually somewhere on the road. Not that I didn't want to do it because I did. But the song is a very personal part of me, a reflection of who I used to be before the band was even a forethought and the closest thing to a gig was playing at some local dive bar. A reflection of me now telling my younger self that we'll be ok. I think back to the beginning of the North American leg when I first came out from behind my drum kit and picked up a microphone, the screams from the crowd as my heart threatened to beat out of my chest. Reminisce on the night at the Forum and how good it felt to be home playing in front of the crowd that most likely that not got us to where we are today. Playing in the city where our dreams became reality, the city we now proudly call home. Don't know what it is about the home show but it's the one we look forward to playing the most, it's the special connection we share with our city, our Echelon, our home.
I step out from behind my drum kit while Jared goes for a costume change. The guitar begins to play as I make my way to the front of the stage, something about the energy and the people in this place makes me feel at ease. As I begin to sing I look out into the crowd, a sea of smiling faces some even tearing up as I sing. I look down into the crowd near my feet and I recognize a pair of hazel eyes from the Meet and Greet. She smiles sweetly as she sings along with me, tears leaving her eyes from time to time. I smile back at her and bend down and reach for her hand then a few more. At the end of the song I thank the crowd and make my way back to my kit. Jared returns to the stage and finishes the second half of the show. I start the beat for Closer to the edge and the side of Stage VIPs along with a handful of people Jared picks out from the crowd come up on stage and stand on either side of my drum kit. I survey the small crowd as I wait for my queue from Jared, only to find a familiar face standing on the left top corner of my kit. She smiles nervously at me then directs her attention to Jared who give me his queue to begin to play. At the end of the song Jared leaves the stage and I walk to the front of it to hand out drumsticks but keep one in my hand, I then make my way back to the stairs and take the last drumstick and hand it to hazel eyes who mouths thank you while she tries to keep the color from flushing her cheeks. Those are the bittersweet moments that make my heart ache, when you connect with someone at the simplest level only to realize that you might never get the chance to take that connection any further than a meet queue.
Weeks later we are at camp, after years of teasing the campers we finally jump into the pool. The water is cool and inviting, if it were up to us we'd stay in and hang out with our Echelon but... our sorry butts decided to jump in fully dressed and to be honest I don't think Alessandro would be too happy if he knew his beloved creations were dipped in chlorine. On my way out of the pool I find a familiar face in the small crowd and I can't help but smile. Her cheeks flush crimson when she catches me smiling at her. I can't help but recall my thoughts at the Forum and wonder if maybe just maybe. I dry off as best as I can and make my way to the cart where Emma and Jared are waiting. I turn back and give her one last smile wink then climb into the golf cart next to Jared. "What was that all about" Jared nods and waves politely at the small crowd that has gathered "Doesn't matter" I breathe deeply and I do the same as Emma drive us back towards our cabins.
