Smitten With Him [Editing]

7. Coming Out

Molly to the side >>

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Every sound subsided except for her voice. She and I were in a soundproof bubble. The temperature had suddenly dropped by about twenty degrees and I was getting goosebumps. Her teeth clenched but not in the way that showed she was angry but instead concerned.

Dude, are you gay?

Are you gay?

Gay.

Her voice echoed in my ears, just drumming in to my head. The one word began to get louder and louder.

Gay.

Is this what it's like coming out? It's frightening as hell. Your blood runs cold and you automatically just think coming out is the worst ever thing to do. Ever. You bring up all the reasons in your head of why you shouldn't. It really depends on how long you've been in the closet.

Think Zach. Think. You need to calm down.

I took a few breaths and closed my my eyes. Feeling calm once again.

Of course I'm gay, and I've been in the closet for so long I've overthought every minuscule detail, every bad thing that could ever happen to me if I do come out the closet.

I fear the consequences, such as not being accepted in our society. Gay marriage is legal in this country after all but that still doesn't change everyone's opinions. That's the thing, people have their own opinions, I respect that, just not when they use theirs against mine.

And I care about what people would think of me. I don't want to be frowned upon for my sexuality. Since I'm pretty high up the the school's student hierarchy, I care about what people think of me a little too much. I'll be downgraded just as fast as Usain Bolt running a kilometre.

What if my whole family fall apart because of me? I've only just started getting close to Liam again.

What if I wasn't accepted by my parents? They're pretty old school and have strong beliefs though they're not very religious.

It happens. People get thrown out of their own home just for being different. The thing is, we're no more different than straight people.

If Molly figured it out by herself then wouldn't other people be able to figure it out eventually?

Its only her asking, I could always lie.

"Why would you say that?" I asked her. There, I didn't admit nor deny it.

I needed to tell someone though. At least one person. Besides, Molly would be leaving in a weeks time. Could she keep a secret?

"Come on man, it all adds up now. You're together with Jace and you're angry because you think Dixon will steal your boyfriend." She laughed as if she knew everything. "Don't worry, he's Jace's cousin."

How was she acting so cooly about this? Surely, if she knew I was gay, she'd freak. What would her parents think about this? They're just a bunch of rich snobs.

"No. I'm not gay." Deny deny deny.

"Would it help if I told you I was in the closet too? Zach, I've always had a feeling you were gay. Just admit it."

Would it help if I told you I was in the closet too? The words echoed in my head.

"Molly, you're a lesbian?"

"Yes, and you're gay."

Oh wow. I so called it. Trisha had told me she acted depressed and she wouldn't talk to anybody. I went through that same stage. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere.