Demon of my Soulmate

One: Heartbroken

Thinking 'bout you by Dua Lipa

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A year has come. A year? A year without Cristobal. A year without her. Without Cordelia. How did this happen? My life didn't go as I thought it would. The Great Threat, Alistair is gone. My father killed him out of rage, but it's still strange to me why he was so enraged that day. I'm the one who lost my soulmate, so I should've been the one enraged but all I felt was numbness. I felt heartbroken, and I just felt like I couldn't live anymore. I wanted to die. I didn't want to live without her. Does that make me seem weak? I don't even care if it does, because I now know how I feel and no matter what it will never go away. I didn't even bother trying, why even try anyways? It's not going to work? Just look at my father, he lost his soulmate and he can't forget about her no matter how many times he tries. It's pointless. Soulmates are called soulmates for a reason. There's a connection so deep that even when they are gone, you can still feel that connection but it's painful. So, painful. It feels like apart of you has been ripped from you, and you can't even fix it. No matter what. My life, my future, is gone. I've been too late to fix everything. I've been too late on a lot of things, but, this was something more important. I had to go and screw it up. I did though however, manage to help Zakary, but it didn't help with saving Cordelia's life. Nothing in my life will ever be the same without Cordelia being here. She came into my life, made me feel things that I've never thought I could, annoyed the shit out of me, then, she's gone. Why did she have to go and get herself killed! Why did she have to-no. Why did I have to be an asshole and send her away? I slam my head on my desk as all of this thinking is giving me a damn headache. I can't take with all of this thinking about her, but she won't leave my damn mind. It's like she's haunting me. She's blaming me for her death. I just know it. It was my fault that she died in the first place. Cordelia died, Cristobal died, and even Vetis died at the hands of Alistair. I thought Lebara would blame me, but she doesn't. Lebara mourned for her death, but still, she doesn't blame me. Lebara just spread Vetis's dust at the tallest mountain, just like how she wanted. I haven't seen Lebara since.

It's been a year and everyone changed, except me. I'm still the same, at least I think so. Zakary is nineteen now, he's still fighting two personalities but he controls it a lot better. The only time he really loses control is if he goes in his fallen form. Which he tries not to do. Zakary's appearances still changed when he fell. He has ashen brown hair now instead of blond, and since he has two personalities his eyes are two different colors. His right eye is smoky gray while his left eye is blue. Chax is doing good too. He's sixteen like me, and he manage to grow a couple inches so he doesn't look like a ten year old anymore. Now, he looks like a twelve year old. He'll get there at some point. I thought. Oh! Chax is also dating Jessamyn now. I never seen it coming to be honest, but apparently Zakary did. Jessamyn on the other hand is fifteen, she's the same age that Cordelia would've been. No. Cordelia is fifteen and I will find a way to bring her back. I just need to find proof that she's in Purgatory.

I slam my head against my desk again as I've been looking since her death, but I can't seem to find anything. There has to be something that I'm missing. Maybe something I've overlooked. Anything will help me at this point, if I can just figure it out. I then sit up before resting my head against my fist. What could it be? Who would know? My eyes widen suddenly when I realize who would know, and of course there's no way for me to get up there. I let out a frustrated sigh before slamming my head against my desk once more.

"You should stop doing that you know. It could ruin your brain cells."

I glance up and give my father a glare. Of course he's here, and who knows how long he's been in here. I take a glance at his outfit, and I sit up straighter as I never thought to see my father in an actual shirt. He's in a long sleeved button down top with tan breeches, and of course he's still barefooted. I never seen him in any kind of boots. He's like Cordelia about hating boots. My chest suddenly tightens by just the thought of her, and I look away from my father before he could see my pained expression that spread across my face.