Divorced ✔ Jenzie

13. "I'm not going to cry."

A/N: CHAPTER DEDICATED TO Yagirlvic

Thanks for staying active :)

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MACKENZIE'S POV:

I had finally put Lauren to sleep, I brought myself to my bedroom.

I had a queen-sized bed, that I used to share with Johnny.

Now it's all mine. Now the whole room is all mine.

I'm still trying to process everything that had happened. Was I not good enough? Not pretty enough?

Compared to his gorgeous looks, I'm nothing.

He has brown hair. It used to be dirty-blonde, but that died out once he got older. He has a perfect jawline, that could probably cut your finger once you touch it.

And my favorite thing, his eyes.

They're green. I could get lost in them any time. Even now. It's like he's hypnotizing me when he looks me in the eyes.

I walked over to the large mirror. It had a nice marble border, that Johnny picked out. He always had good style.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I was planning to straighten my hair a while ago, but that thought died out after the whole cheating fiasco. I completely forgot about it.

Well, who cares. I have no one to impress anymore. Johnny clearly thinks Nadia is better looking than me, I'm not going to degrade myself and do my hair just to impress him. I'm better than that.

There was mascara drowning down my eyes, from when I cried into Annie's shoulder. Have I looked like that the whole day? When I kissed Johnny?! When I talked to the babysitter?! Or when I brought Lauren to sleep?!

Why didn't she say anything?!

I'm sick of looking at myself. I turned my gaze down to my feet.

"I'm not going to cry," I whispered to myself.

I'm not going to allow myself to cry again over something so stupid.

He doesn't deserve my tears. He doesn't deserve anything.

I hate myself for still caring about him. But I can't help it.

Everything about him is perfect, except for the fact that's he's a cheating bastard.

His beautiful pink lips. I need to feel them, just one more time. But I promised myself that that was the last kiss. He doesn't deserve my kisses. And I deserve better than him.

I noticed the ring on my finger. The wedding ring Johnny gave me. I still remember the day he propsed to me, like it was yesterday.

I very slowly removed it out of my ring finger, still sobbing. I placed it on my bed side table. I don't have the heart to throw it out right now.

You know what, I don't care. I picked it up, walking over to a small trash can in front of my bedroom door. I threw it in, turning back towards me bed. I didn't even give the ring a second glance.

It I want to be done with him, I have to start somewhere.

I sighed, not even bothering to change into my sleeping clothes. I slowly placed myself in the middle of the bed, setting my head on one of the pillows.

Nadis is better than me.

She's taller, skinnier, and more confident. She's just overall a better person. Except I'm a real friend.

Well, sort of...

I never actually told Annie that I thought she would go behind my back and allow Johnny to cheat on me. It's fine, I'll tell her eventually.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

Just thinking about Nadia and Johnny makes me cry. How am I going to handle seeing him again without exploding like I've previously done 3 times?

I have no one. This house is empty- with the exception of Lauren. But she's not old enough to understand what's going on.

I'm alone.

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A/N: Just incase Y'all are wondering, this story is around 30-40 chapters. I prefer writing long stories.

-643 Words.

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