Divorced ✔ Jenzie

30. Red scars.

A/N: This chapter is kinda confusing with all the flashbacks, but just keep reading.

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MACKENZIE'S POV:

It's been a week. A whole week since I'd last spoken to Johnny.

He's noticing my ignoring behavior. He does things like randomly knock on my door and try to talk to me.

I don't shut the door in his fac e or anything. But I don't really open up to him either. I never look at his face, I always keep my attention on some other abiotic object. I never dare to gaze at his eyes either. Not only will I get lost in them, but I already know they're filled with hurt.

It's not that I don't feel bad for hurting him like this, because I do. I still love him, I don't enjoy hurting him. But it's honestly for the best. Being friends isn't the solution, and dating him again isn't the solution either.

I know my feelings towards him won't go away. I mean, it's been almost 2 months since the divorce, and my feelings are sadly still there. Things won't go to the way they used to be, so what's the point in even trying to fix things?

So, you make ask, why am I doing this? I just want to stay away from him. Not to hurt him, but to just be done with him. He's brought me nothing but pain, and I finally notice that after all this time.

I'm not looking for revenge, nor am I looking for a new man. I'm not interested in meeting other people, and I probably won't be for a long time.

I'm still recovering. Johnny was supposed to bring over Lauren today. I'm currently on the couch, just staring out at space.

I do this very often now. I don't get bored of it. I could stare at something for hours and stay in that same position for a while, just thinking of random things. Sometimes specific things like Johnny, or imagining Lauren's first day of school.

Three rings were heard from the door. I sighed, knowing it's most likely Johnny. I moodily get up from the couch, shuffling to the front door.

Once I opened it, Lauren instantly ran into the house. At first, I thought she was going for a hug from me. But she ran to her Ipad, that was laying on the table. I never bothered to move it, I knew she always knew exactly where it was. Lauren began hysterically kissing the Ipad, muttering things like "I missed you," and "I love you," between smooches to the Ipad. What are kids doing with their lives these days?

"Mackenzie," Johnny muttered.

I had almost forgotten he was even standing in the entrance, I was paying too much attention to Lauren. 'Yes?" I simply stated, continuing to gaze at Lauren. Like I mentioned before, I never look at him directly anymore. I know it kills him whenever I do this. It's not intentional for me to do this, but it helps me ignore him properly.

Johnny takes a while to respond, but I don't bother to even glance at him. "What's that on your hand?" He croaks out.

I furrow my eyebrows, finally turning to Johnny, slightly over my shoulder. "What do you mean?" I wonder, confused.

"The red scars," he states. I glance down at my hands, widening my eyes once I finally understand what he's talking about. The red marks.

I shut my eyes, attempting to block away the pain I'm about the receive from the unforgettable memories.

Flashback (from chapter 4):

My fingers dug into the palm of hands, as I clenched my jaw.

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This could possibly be a life-changing moment. I dug my fingers back into my palms, probably making them bleed. But I wasn't paying attention to anything other than my plan.