Divorced ✔ Jenzie

26. Thinking.

A/N: Johnny's new song drops out tomorrow. Some people get to hear it today bc of timezone stuff. I'm so jealous of those people. But the sneak peek was lit. I've probably replayed it like a thousand times fgjknbjknb.

Idk if I'm just stupid, but who's that girl in the sneek peak? She ain't stealing MY manzzz that's for sure😘

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MACKENZIE'S POV:

I pushed some of her hair behind her hair, admiring her face.

Lauren fell asleep on my lap accidentally. I didn't have the heart to wake her up, so I just let her sleep there. I really didn't mind, she looked beautiful. Even better, I had my phone to entertain me. It's nice to look at Lauren's face, knowing she's a creation I made.

Just thinking of what happened the last few weeks makes me shiver. My life has gone really downhill since I caught Johnny with Nadia. It's not just Johnny I lost, I also lost one of my best friends.

Nadia and I were so close. I think it's a shame that our friendship got thrown away just like that. I'm not going to apologize or anything, she deserved what she got. It's honestly best to just cut her out of my life completely.

I never wanted to cut Brynn out of my life though. I wanted to get close with her again, and get to know the new her. But I won't get to do that. She's gone.

Finding a missing person really only happens in movies and tv shows, not real life. It would just be unrealistic if I found her lying in a ditch somewhere.

Brynn had a life. She had friends, a family, a husband. Carson is probably crying all alone somewhere. I never got to know him personally. But from Brynn told me, he's amazing. She might've over-exaggerated a bit. You see people as someone better than they are when you're in love.

Just like Johnny and I. It took me years to figure it out, but Johnny really isn't that innocent. He used to be that sweet boyfriend everyone wanted. Then I found out he really isn't that amazing. Sure, I still love him. But I use to think of him as this perfect being, only to find out later that that wasn't the case at all.

The point is, Brynn was loved by many, and the whole situation just seems unfair. She didn't do anything. She didn't deserve this.

I happily sighed, continuing to stroke Lauren's long blonde hair. 

I brought her home after the little talk Annie and I had. She's been playing on her Ipad for the past 2 hours, so I've been left alone to think.

About Brynn.

About Carson.

About Johnny.

About Nadia.

About Lauren.

I wish there was a way I could fix this Brynn situation, but there isn't. All I could do is wait, for either good or bad news. Or... nothing. We could never find her.

I don't know what I want at this point. If we found her dead body somewhere, I'd be heartbroken. If we never found her, my curiosity wouldn't be able to handle that. Anything could happen, really.

I'm just sick of waiting around, for something to happen. I want it to just... happen! 

I don't even see a point to life anymore.

If you asked me how my life was a month ago, I'd tell you it was great. I had a husband who I thought was trustworthy. I had a beautiful, healthy child. I had two best friends, and the only problem I had to worry about was Johnny's lack of help with Lauren.

Now there's so much stuff going on. Brynn, Johnny, and having Annie on my shoulders is tough. On top of all that, I have a child to take care of.

It's not impossible, but it's a difficult job. 

Don't even get me started on Johnny.

I don't even know what we are at the moment. I would say friends with benefits– but we're not friends, and never will be. Not after what he did.

According to Jenziereader, I'm clinging onto the cheating thing. But forgiving him is tough. It would be too painful, acting like I'm his friend and like he never broke my heart. 

Lauren eyes very slowly open. I sweetly smile at her, continuing to brush baby hairs out of her face. She sits up, close up to me. She groans, rubbing her eyes.

Lauren stares at me for a couple seconds, then runs away, off to the kitchen.

I contemplate whether or not to go after her. I decide not to, mostly because I'm too lazy to get up from the couch.

She comes back, with her Ipad in hand. She sits back on the couch, opening her Ipad screen and unlocking it.

She lays her head on my shoulder, as I go back to where I last left my thoughts.

Johnny really is an issue. I don't know what to do about him. I can't forgive him. I can't cut him out of my life. There's really nothing left except for going on with how things are going right now.

I'll figure it out later. Just thinking about my messed up life hurts.

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A/N: Filler chapter ?

This chapter sucks. I'll be posting a chapter tommorow, bc the next one sucks too. But the one after that is lit, that's saying something because I never compliment my work.

-910 Words.

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