Love, Loss, and Life

Tina

The days after Christmas-
The days after I got back from New York-
we're supposed to be the days
that I would be both excited and mad
about going back to school...

but life had other plans...
for my aunt, at least.

The aftermath of Christmas
was taken over by worry
when my aunt
had fallen into a coma.
Words like "stroke,"
or, "aneurysm",
and, "bleeding brain,"
bounced through my ears,
into the family,
and their hopes and orries.

Those were the days that I stayed home;
days when we went to the hospital;
days where we prayed that my aunt
would wake up...
would feel better...
would continue to live the life that was interrupted-
that was interrupted when she got ill...

Things seemed to be looking up.
When I got to the hospital, she looked fine...
fine enough that she might wake up soon;
fine enough that all the tears-
the tears that never even came from me-
would end when she woke up....

But the next day-
or days, I can't even remember-
news broke out that she wouldn't wake up...
Not fully, anyway.
It was either to let her live,
but suffer and be immobile like a vegetable,
or pull the plug....

It took days till we finally pulled the plug.
The day that I came back to school,
January 8th, 2018,
she passed away when I was in class
at 12:54 PM....
All these days after Christmas;
all the days we were worrying and praying;
The days when my family was in tears...
all led up to the worst outcome.

Her funeral came on that Saturday.
Ate some donuts and chatted
about work and life.
But to see my cousins break down;
to see Bà Ngoại break down...
It was too much when I found aunt Tina
in her casket in the dress,
her hands laid on her lap;
her face shut down from the world;
wearing makeup that didn't look like
the aunt Tina that I barely got to know....

Watching my aunt burn into ashes...
seeing relatives break down in tears;
seeing my mom crying almost everyday....
Those days were supposed to be
Full of boring excitement and drama
full getting back to school,
but it only led to this terrible loss...

We had fun in lunch at Kim Sơn,
and I didn't dare talk about aunt Tina.
I missed out on church school class.
I stayed home after before going to mass.
MT and VT knew about the funeral
that I had to go to when they came in church with our GL class.

Loss had a tough weight in the family.
The loss of her is a heartbreaking example,
but I never thought
that I would suffer even more losses
when it came to my friendships....