Scars Don't Fade (1D Adoption)

Forty-Six

Sorry it's been so damn long, my dudes. 

I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO MY DREAM SCHOOL. FLORIDA HERE I COME!!!!!

Anyways..... you may proceed. 

 ---------

Blake 

Tour. World tour. Travelling the world. A different city every night. No stability. No Skylar play dates. 

Sounds fantastic! Not. 

"Uh, come again?" I find myself asking. My eyebrows are definitely furrowed and my mouth is set in a frown. 

Harry reaches over and grabs my hand, Niall moves next to me and wraps his arm around me. 

"Blake, I know this is going to be really hard for you to get used to, but we have no choice. This is our job. This is what puts food in our bellies and a pillow under your head. I'm so sorry, but it's happening. It's non-negotiable." Louis tells me, sternly, but with empathy laced in. 

I just look at all of them for a second and take off the couch, headed for the stairs. 

"Bla-" I hear Harry start, but is cut off by Zayn.

"Mate, let her go think it through by herself," He says. 

I run up the stairs, into my room. Slamming my door behind me. Tears are falling down my face and I bring my fists up to my head, then I move them to grip my hair. I let out a quiet, high pitched whine while the tears free fall down my, now rosy red, cheeks. 

I don't know what to do or feel. 

When they go on tour I am never going to see them.

They won't have time for me. 

They'll forget about me. 

I'll become a burden on them. 

They'll regret me. 

These thoughts race through my head, faster than I can process and I can't stop them. My biggest fear since I got here has been letting them in. 

Or so I thought.

I am realizing right now that I have already let them in. I depend on them so much now that I'm realizing my actual fear. 

That they will leave me. All of them will realize what a mistake they made, by adopting me and they'll terminate their guardianship. I'll end up back in that horrible place. 

I don't want to go back. 

I love them. But they won't want me holding them back on tour. They cannot go out and party after shows, they can't bring girls back to the hotel. I will be nothing but a downer on them. 

A while later, the tears stop and I'm watching Beauty and the Beast on my bed when I hear a small knock on my door. I curl further into the heavy blanket and slightly peak over the top to see who is coming in. 

A second later, Zayn's dark hair pokes into view, then the rest of him as he slowly and quietly makes his way into the room. 

"Hey, sweetheart," Zayn whispers as he gets closer to my bed. "Can I sit?" he asks.

I just give him a small shrug in return. 

He takes it as a yes and just sits down, close to the edge, but also enough so he is comfortable next to me. 

"You know, the rest of the boys decided to leave you alone for the rest of the evening so you can think everything through, but I couldn't sleep knowing you were upset and alone," Zayn tells me, softly. 

He waits for an answer from me, but I don't know what to say. I do not want to voice my fears, but Zayn is sitting here, wanting to help me and comfort me. 

"Ya know, this is usually the time the other person replies. Otherwise, a conversation is really difficult." He jokes, hoping to get something, anything, out of me. 

But I do not laugh. Not even a smile. 

"I don't know what to say," I tell him, quietly. 

"What are you thinking? What is making you so opposed to the idea?" Is his next inquiry. 

"I don't want to say," I say.

"You don't want to say, or you do not want me to hear?" Zayn retorts.

"Both..." I whisper.

"Honey, we love you, so so much. I love you so much. We want what is best for you, but we cannot say no to this. It is out of our control." He explains.

I love you so much is on repeat in my head, hearing Zayn say these words brings on a new set of tears to my eyes.

God I am a crybaby 

Zayn takes notice of my glistening eyes and I am immediately out of my blanket fortress and into his muscular arms. He squeezes me tight, letting me know non-vocally that he has me, as the tears are now falling from my eyes. Wetting his shirt as they fall from my nose. 

"I am s-sorr-y," I stutter. 

"Why are you sorry?" 

"Because I am holding you all back!" I tell him. "When we go on tour, you'll realize how much of a burden a child is, how much of a mistake adopting me was, how you won't be able to do all the things you usually do on tour, anymore. You all will realize you don't want such a problematic person holding you back." I rant, tears still falling. 

Zayn does not say anything for a while and I start to worry. His arms are still tight around me. 

Suddenly, he snaps his head down to look at me, right in my eyes. "Nothing you just said was true. Not one word. Do you understand me? You were not a mistake. You are not a burden. We are so happy to have you in our lives." While he tells me this, he holds strong eye contact so intense I can see the gold flakes that are sprinkled throughout his irises. 

"You say this now, but what if you change your minds?! None of you can see the future. You do not know what will happen! If my own parents didn't want me, what would stop you boys from not wanting me?" At the mention of my parents, I remember the bombshell Anton threw onto me, other than himself. 

Dad is dead 

This thought sends me into another whirlwind of emotions and frustrated tears fall down my cheeks for the umpteenth time tonight. 

"My father is dead. He is dead and now I will never get answers. I will never get to know why."

"Yes, he is. But there is nothing that you need from that man, other than to let him go." Zayn tells me. 

I don't say anything else and neither does he. 

"Don't let me go."

"Never." 

And he didn't Zayn kept me tight in his arms all night as I drifted off into a healing sleep. Not a peaceful one, but one to help me escape my head for the night.

-----

AHHHHHHH 

I did it!!!!!