may i say
farwell to a
reflection
i only knew sorta well.
say good bye
too the person who
once walked these
halls that posses this home,
this body that they have
now out grown.
this body that they
had once called home.
now just remembered
by snapshots and home videos.
say goodbye
too every
comment my mom
made about my body
to my face
and to the sales
associate about
my clothing taste.
whispering out the words
"its just a phase."
say goodbye to every
time i've almost cried
in changerooms from
my mothers whispered words
bleeding through
the cracks of the doors.
say goodbye too
all the times
i've thrown up
in my families home
trying to lose weight
so that my frame
will lose its curves.
how it will be so much easier
to hide under an
xl sweatshirt stolen
from a body
bulit three sizes
bigger then mine.
yet i still feel like
i take up all the living space
in my parents home.
in more ways then just
my weight.
say goodbye
too holding my tongue
when my father
spits out words
on how some people are
worth less then others
simply just by exisiting
in a skin they scream
they don't belong too.
he screms that they do
but how would he know?
how would he know
the pain some go through
simply by just existing
in a body they don't
even live in
say goodbye
too holding
every thought
from my brain in
'cause all i feel now
is sickeness
and i am looking for
a cure for this illness
that is called
wanting nothing
more then forgiveness
for these sins my family
screams i have commited.
but the only sin i've commited
in the eyes of grandparents
is not being fully honest
for lying for all these years.
say goodbye
too all my poems
that i wrote
using she and her pronouns.
cause i used drugs
to fix my problems instead
of an councilor
hoping that a new wallpaper
would fix the bomb that
had gone off in my head
when i was thirteen years old.
which was the first time
i discovered i didnt
have to stay here
in this body that i had
outgrow.
say farwell to a
reflection
i only knew sorta well.
say farwell to this
reflection i didn't belong too.
too this refelction
that i have never belonged too.
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altercation of self-actualization《poetry
Poetryal•ter•ca•tion noun 1. a noisy argument or disagreement espically in public self-ac•tu•al•i•za•tion noun 1. the realization or fulfilment of ones talents and potentialities, espically conisdered as a drive or need present in everyone
