ROSES (TeacherxStudent)

PART 3.4 Ch 25

Baker

'Tell me, what's wrong?'

'Nothing,' I sighed.

'You're smoking,' Rose pointed out.

'Yeah, I noticed,'

'Can you please stop doing that?'

'What?'

'Shutting me out, I'm trying aren't I?'

'It's a little late for that don't you think?' I snapped

'I'm sorry, I really am,'

'Mhmm,' I drew in more smoke.

Rose walked towards the table and sat down slowly withdrawn, defeated. Nothing was the same anymore no matter how much we both wished it was.

My fingertips felt a burn before I noticed that the cigarette was at its end. I leaned to the side and crushed the cigarette butt into the ashtray, making sure it was all out. Too many places burnt down because people were not careful enough to take precautions.  do not want to be one of them. I can't afford a fire.

I got up and walked over to sit opposite to Rose. Her hair cascaded over her face and they looked so fierce, enraged even.

'Hey,' I whispered.

'Don't hide things from me,' rose mumbled

'Hide things?' I asked, visibly confused.

'You have someone, just admit it, don't do this to me,' her eyes were glossy and she looked like she was in pain.

'Rose,' i reached out but she quickly slapped my hand away before I could touch her.

'That's why you're doing this, just tell me,' her hands are probably getting sweaty now.

'Rose, I don't have to have someone else to not be with you,'

'But you have someone, I know you do,'

'I'm not over you okay?' i reasoned, averting my eyes.

'I saw you okay, today at the diner,'

'What?' shit, shit, shit no.

'Your eyes lit up for a split second,'

'Rose you're seeing things,' please no

'It's that colleague of yours isn't it?' she accused.

'Rose stop,' Thank god for that woman's advances.

'It is! isn't it?' she raised her voice. She stood up, furious.

'Rose calm down!' motioning her to sit, I cannot have her make a scene, the walls were thin and I was already to told to keep it down every time Summer was over

'You're confused,' her mood switched and she sat back down again. Her facial muscles relaxed.

'About what?' I am again, terribly confused.

'That's why you're here, with me,' she argued.

'What? No,' I denied forcefully, in truth she was highly accurate. 'I'm here because I told you I would talk, I'm simply keeping my end of the promise,' also because I think I'm still deeply in love with you.

A pause followed.

I mused about my journey, how it has come to a point where there were two girls were trying to pull me towards them. I wanted to be stronger, more prominent in my role in others' lives. I wanted to be seen and to have power, I was careless. In my drive to never blend into the background, I have lost control over myself. My only purpose was to be their man, not my own.

'Come back,' she let out a long sigh.

'Rose, I just told you-'

'No, come back, finish medical school.'

'You know I can't' 

'I've taken out a student loan in my name, you can use it.' Rose faced me 

'What? Aren't you starting your residency this year? Wait, is that even legal?!'

'Let me handle that. You have to repeat your third year again, though,' she smiled 

I dropped my face into my palms, my fingertips rubbing my eyes. It felt like a second chance. I could not let this go but my family was already thousands in debt with my father being sick. I could not take out more money. I was happy but it made me sick to be taking handouts from an ex who was still clearly in love with me. As I am with her.

'I can't allow you to do into debt for me,' I will not stoop this low as to exploit her like this.

'I know you've been the one providing for your family all your life, sometimes it's okay to accept help when you need it,' she patted my back but I quickly shoved her away. I did not like her telling me what I need to do.

She did not lose her composure, 'Look at yourself Josh, do you really think you can help out your family anymore with the salary of a teacher? You know how underpaid the profession is regardless of the hard work and passion people put in, you never wanted to be a teacher anyway,' 

Why is everyone pushing me to do this? Rose and Summer to be specific. Then it clicked.

'I have to apologise, I'm sorry I said that you dumped me for a scholarship, it was wrong of me to say that, I know how hard you worked for it and you deserved it.' I realised why she was doing this. I could feel my eyes watering 'You're not responsible for my situation,' It was guilt, not love.

'Josh no, oh my god!' she hugged me, 'Take your time, we'll discuss this later,'

I tried so hard to be stoic but my tears would only build up till, finally, they started to fall.