College Boy [h.s]

Nineteen.

"Ryan," I whisper, gently shaking him awake from his slumber.

"Is it my turn?" he asks gently, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I already felt terrible for what I was about to do. It had been two weeks since Louis said I could move into his apartment, but I wanted to give Ryan some more time with Payton before we left, and I just couldn't bring myself to tell him yet that I was leaving him.

"No, she's asleep. We need to talk," I said, sitting on the bed beside him.

"Okay, sure," he says, sitting up a little.

I bite my lip nervously as he waits for me to say something, and I try not to look into his clear blue eyes as I speak.

"I want you to know you're a great dad, and that doesn't have anything to do with what I am about to say,"

He looks confused as I keep talking.

"I'm moving out."

His confusion turns to shock and sadness, "What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Teagan, why are you? Why are you saying all of this?"

"I can't be here, Ryan. You're amazing with Payton and I will never take that away from you, but we can't be together just for her and I think you know that too," I said.

I can sense his breathing growing more rapid, and I know he's trying not to get emotional in front of me. His pain begins to make me upset as well.

"This is just so, unexpected.."

"I know, I'm sorry. I love you and I always will for being the father of my child, but I'm not in love with you. And I know you aren't in love with me either. We have absolutely nothing in common and can barely even hold a conversation these days. Payton is the only reason we live together," I say.

He sighs, "Are you really that unhappy?"

I force a nod, knowing I had to lay it all out there at once, so nothing was left up for interpretation.

"I'll move out, Teagan. Okay, just, I will leave. You and Payton can live here," he says, and I know he means it.

"No, Ryan, this is your home and it always has been. I was just a guest here. You work so hard, and this place is yours. I'm moving in with Louis, and you can see Payton whenever you want," I say.

His head hits the headboard on the bed and he huffs, shaking his head. He doesn't appear mad, just very taken aback by all of this.

"Ryan we both knew this was coming, I know you aren't happy with me either," I said.

He looks at me for a moment in silence. "Honestly, I would stay with you for our daughter, but if what will make you happy is leaving, then that's okay with me too," he says.

I nod. "Thank you, you're a good man, Ryan."

                                                                                                   *******

Two Weeks Later

"So that's all your stuff then, yeah?" Louis asks as he puts down the last box into my room.

The apartment wasn't as nice as Ryan's, but I somehow already felt so much more at home being here than I ever did there. Louis had been in a fraternity for a couple years, but Shawn and him recently moved in together after becoming more serious.

"Yep that's it," I say, smiling widely at him. "Thank you, again."

"You don't have to thank me, Teagan. I love you and Payton, it's the least I can do, really," he says.

I almost couldn't believe this was the mischievous boy I met at church camp a few years ago. We went from teenage summer rivals to adulthood friends. He was the best friend I have ever had, and I trusted him with my life over anyone else.

"I know, I just can't help feel bad for Ryan a bit. He always hated being in that big apartment all by himself, and I really understood why those last couple months living there," I explain.

"Yeah, that makes sense," Louis says, coughing a bit towards the end. "I'm gonna go grab some water, you want any?"

"No, I'm good," I say, rocking Payton gently in my arms and whispering "I love you," into her precious little ears.

                                                                                                    *****

HARRYS POV

I was still hopeful when she took the test, my eyes would light up as I waited for her to exit the bathroom, telling me that I was going to be a father.

But that isn't what happened.

She steps out from behind the door, gently shaking her head, and I frown.

"It's okay, love, we'll just wait a couple more weeks and test again," I say, faking a smile.

She doesn't say anything for a moment. "I guess I just thought it would be easier."

Sarah and I started trying for a baby the day we got married. We both knew how much we wanted kids long before the wedding, and wanted to start trying as soon as possible. While it's only been a couple months of us actively trying, we have been in the mindset of wanting to have a family for close to a year now.

"We're going to have a baby," I said comfortingly. "We will just have to wait."