Stoned on Jones {A Brian Jones Story}

Chapter 32 - Lucid

My eyes slowly opened to see nothing but blurs all around me, swaying water going back and fourth in a torturous dance, seeming to mock me. My face is submerged in the water, my eyes looking down at the bottom of the pool floor, my body frozen. I can't move...... I hear people around me, screaming, crying. But I'm okay. I'm okay!

My eyes land further down into the water, a body suddenly coming towards me from the bottom, a familiar one. Brian..... His angelic hair like a halo around him, a soft, peaceful look upon his face, his eyes seeming to dance in wonder, until his hands touched my cold ones, suddenly dragging me down with him, twirling me around in a water dance. My heart seemed to come back to life, like I was dead.

"Jules..... my sweet Jules. Why must you hurt yourself to save me? There was nothing you could do. I was meant to die. My life..... nothing good could happen for me. I lost everything. I was terrible. I was abusive. I drank too much and pushed people away. Why help me.....? You can't love. You just can't. You can't save me from myself." My eyes went terribly wide from hearing Brian's voice in my head, him holding me, looking like a king. He's beautiful. A glowing halo of light surrounding him. He's gone...... how could I not have saved him? I made sure to watch everyday for it! I knew it was coming. And I never left. Something changed.

"But Bri...." And then, he let go of me, his face suddenly going blank as he floated down, disappearing from sight like he was never there.

"Brian!!!"
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My head throbbing seemed to suddenly awaken me from whatever was going on in my mind, like a lucid dream floating across it. How was that not real? Everyone was screaming. Dragging me from the pool. I felt..... dead.

And as my eyes slowly opened, I was back in my room at Cotchford, seemingly confused. But Brian said....... he said I had to go. There was nothing I could do. What's going on?! The door to my room slowly opened, Liv's head peeking through it as she slowly entered the room, her eyes tear stained.

"Jules......" I rose slowly, seeing her sad expression gazing back at me. What's happened.....? I got up from the bed, trying my best not to let my head fall off. I felt awful. Something major happened.

"Liv...... please tell me nothing bad happened last night. Please......" She turned her gaze to my open window, her eyes never losing that sadness she held since the minute she walked in here. And I just couldn't handle much more. I slowly walked my way towards the window, my heart throbbing painfully as my gaze made it's way around the grounds, my eyes landing on caution tape surrounding the pool.

And my heart seemed to shatter, my legs collapsing on me, screams littering from my mouth. I didn't save him! How.....?! I don't understand. I was right here! Why wouldn't he let me save him? Liv cried herself as she ran over to me, wrapping her arms around my now shaking body, not being able to stop.

"Bri...... Brian's gone.......?" Liv pulled back to look at me as she moved the hair from my face, not knowing what to say herself.

"Jules..... I...... I'm sorry." I jumped up off the ground, startling Liv so badly that she fell back, before I ran from the room and down the stairs, the dark sitting room greeting me with memories of Brian's laughter. His voice floating through the air like he was talking through the intercom.

Seeing him sitting in the kitchen when we talked and talked from day to the night. Seeing him sitting in his chair when the stones came to give the bad news. Seeing him and his parents sitting there, glancing over old pictures of Brian as a baby.

And my heart left. It was gone. Replaced with a black void. I don't understand what I did wrong.... I wanted to help. I wanted to help him.Why wouldn't he let me? Suddenly, Luther came bounding out from the kitchen, a whimper leaving his mouth as he slowly placed something at my foot, sitting down with a sad expression on his face.

My eyes went wide. A note. I slowly picked it up, my heart racing with each moment that passed with the paper in my hands, apart of me not wanting to read what was inside. But knowing I had to. I slowly opened it, being met with Brian's hand writing.

"Dear Jules-
Love, from the moment I met you, I knew you had been there for me. Not just from today. But always. You were my Ju when I was a baby. You gave me so much joy. You helped me grow to be a man. I know I let lots of people down in my life time. Some left me. Most did. I was horrible. Even to Anita who I always seemed crazy about. But that's just it. I don't know love. True love. I don't do the one woman thing. Because I can't. I'm horrible at it love. But Jules, you weren't just a one night stand for me when I was in the stones. You weren't just some bird. You were my Ju. My love. I don't see why you stayed. Or why you wanted to help me. I was nothing but trouble love. I couldn't help but drink. I was unhappy. Everyone around me used me.  But not you. I think you're my guardian angel. You never left me. I'm just sorry I was complicated. I'm Brian Jones love. My life was chaotic. And I enjoyed it. I was the golden boy. With problems.  You did everything you could. I'm okay Jules. Please believe that. I....... love you.
-Brian"

The letter floated to the floor as I looked out the back doors of the house, my eyes burning with tears. He didn't want to be saved. Or maybe he did. But didn't think he mattered enough to anyone. But he did! To me! To his family. To Mary. To the world. He wasn't just some drunk. He wasn't just a stone. He wasn't just a user or a abuser or anything. He was simply beautiful Brian. He was misunderstood. And used so many times in his life. He wasn't happy. He was trying to be.

And as I ran out the doors, hearing them slam behind me, a scream came out of me. A scream so loud that the birds grew silent. The trees stopped moving. And my heart stopped beating.

"Love....." I shrieked, my eyes going wide from the floating voice, turning to see Brian standing there, his usual smirk upon his lips, his eyes never leaving mine. And his music softly floated across the dim air, the soft sound of strumming filling my ears.

"Wake up...... wake up..... wake up....." My eyes closed. Lucid memories appearing at the surface.