99 days without you >> lashton AU

Day 85

Dear Ashton,

I keep forgetting that my mom is dead. I've been calling home and her cell phone for 3 hours.

〰
I just got back from the stupid group session. (I dont even know why I go) I wasn't supposed to be out early, considering there's only 45 minutes left, but no one was talking to me or not even trying to look at me. so I left.
I- dare I say it, I miss that weirdo Johnny.
he's probably the only one who actually tried to talk to me. and I was being a dick to him and not telling him anything about me.
he didn't even know my name for gods sake! I feel bad.
now that he's dead makes me ten times horrible.
God, Ashton, why am I such a dick? ..
〰
I .. I just took those needles.. like those drug things you put in your arm then you just go all dizzy and see unicorns pooping out rainbows. yeah I went out to get some from a guy I know. I seem to know every dealer now.
anyways, Im starting to hear stuff...like someone calling out my name. it sounds like
..sounds like you.
I just yelled your name..and I can't hear you anymore. where did you go?
no wait, I hear someone crying now...its coming from the hall way. It sounds like there's a little boy crying...
...
the crying stopped.
..
I'm freaking out. the unicorn pooping out rainbows is bullshit! I'm freaking out!!!!
Now I'm hearing a woman's voice singing in the room. it sounds familiar...like I've heard this before...can it be?
mom?
...
I checked and no one was there. am I going crazy? or is it the needles? .. I don't know.
Holy shit..
I..
I just saw you walk past the door...
Ashton? ..
I ran after you..and you just disappeared. where did you go? please come back. I need you..
at least come hug me and tell me you love me. please.
I'm crying now. everything went dead silent, I'm not hearing anything now. what happened?
...
-luke