My brain did it again!

Chapter 23 - Get me food!

Sang

Since I moved here, I have experienced quite a number of weird things and today would not be any different. Well, what could be worst than tantric yoga with an old lady? Ha! You'll see when I tell you all about my encounter with Miss Leo when I tried to go outside for a run. At five in the morning. Because apparently, she was up at five, waiting for me in the hallway, in front of my door. With a wheelbarrow next to her and a weird looking turkey, sitting in it...

" Ah! Fu- reacking son of a Christmas cookie coc- uh... cutter! Why did you have to stand so close to my door? I could've hurt you! And myself. And probably this turkey too, if it wasn't already dead. "

" Sorry, dear. I know you go for a run sometimes and I was so excited! It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and I bought this huge Hickory Farms Turducken because I wanted to invite you and your studs, you know. Not that you don't have enough meat on your plate already, but on Thanksgiving, you can have even more! " my weird neighbor informed me with enough hands gestures to knock me in the face if it wasn't that I already moved away from her. Hey, I know her well enough to know I need to be at a respectable distance when she's that excited. They don't call her the female Mike Tyson for nothing! Actually, they don't call her that. I made that up because it sounded so good in my head.

" Turduck what? "

" Turducken! It's a triple-stuffed turkey. A chicken, inside a duck, inside a turkey! I say triple-stuffed because they add some stuffing in it too. "

Like it couldn't be more stuffed than it already was. Poor turkey. Her explanation sounded like a cringe-worthy old porn movie. But wait, it got worse. While I was looking at the overstuffed turkey with sympathy, Leo wasn't done talking. 

" ... made a great dessert to go with it. Guess what I did? "

Er... I kind of didn't want to ask but had to, you know? So I shut my eyes and prayed for a miracle.

" I don't know. What did you do? "

" I made a pumpecapple pie! " she said, all gleeful, her eyes shining like she just had a date scheduled with Brad Pitt and something you can buy in a sex shop. Hey, it's her fantasy. She told me last week but I can't remember what was the object - or rather, I don't want to remember because it was outrageous and very disturbing - her hands wildly moving again. 

" Before you ask, it's an apple pie...

( That's when I thought, oh! Sean will be pleased! )

... in a pecan pie, in a pumpkin pie. "

Oh, crap. That, um... okay? Honestly, I didn't know what to think of it. I mean, did we have to taste it all at the same time or just take a portion of what we like? I hate anything pumpkin, except when Sean calls me that. I just don't want to eat or drink anything pumpkiny-spicy-ish, thank you very much. Though I didn't want to offend my friend. She's nice. And entertaining.

" That's original! I'm sure we will love it. Oh! What's this? Oh, I love brownies! Thank you so much for the treat! I'll save it for when I come back from my run. I don't care if it ruins the purpose of my exercise! Brownies are the best! "

Yes, I'm stupid.

Brownies are truly good but when you pair their gooey goodness with Miss Leo... sometimes it comes with a surprise. 

A surprise I have not tried before in my life.

That is why I'm in our building's coffee shop at eight in the morning, after eating the treacherous dessert. It's been fifteen difficult - and hilarious - minutes and I don't know why I'm so hungry? I better drink a coffee too, you know, to get my vision back. It's a little blurry and why the heck is everything moving? Can't the chairs stay in place in this fine eshtablish... establishmint... this place?