Peter Parker/Tom Holland Imagines {REQUESTS CLOSED}

I Couldn't Save Them - PP

*unedited*

"Peter?" Your voice whispered, tarnished with sleep and grogginess. "What happened, it's like-" you paused, referencing the digital clock beside your bed, "three in the morning."

Your boyfriend was still by the window, masked body shaking ever so slightly, that to the naked eye, nothing was wrong. But you knew Peter. You knew him like the back of your hand, and you could sense just by seeing the way that his body vibrated that something terrible had happened.

"Y/n," he gulped, taking a step towards your bed. "Y/n it was terrible."

"What? What was?" You hushed, rushing towards him. You took the mask off his face, only for your jaw to slack at the sight. Tears streamed down Peter's face, and his cheeks were red and puffy. "Peter," you asked, voice already watery. "What happened?"

"Th-there was so much blood- it was everywhere. B-but that wasn't the worst part," his eyes themselves were bloodshot, not meeting yours.

"What was the worst part?"

"That I couldn't save them," he cried, finally looking at you. "I couldn't save them," he repeated.

You led him to your bed, cradling his body. "I'm sorry," you whispered in his ear, kissing the skin around his cheekbone lightly. You didn't know what happened exactly, but you didn't need to. Peter's body language told you enough.

For the rest of the night, he slept in your arms, you occasionally waking up to his sobs. You simply ran your fingers soothingly through his hair, trying to ease his pain. When morning came though, he was gone.

You checked your phone, to see Peter had texted you saying he'd gone home, before May had woken up.

Getting out of bed, you dressed, eating breakfast in a tired haze. Walking the short one block to Peter's apartment, you knocked on the door.

"Hey Y/n," May greeted you at the door quietly, glancing behind her before looking back at you. "Has Peter seemed a bit... I don't know, off to you? Like this morning, he's just been so out of it, barely said a word to me," May whispered to you, still keeping the door open just a crack.

"Yeah actually. Something happened last night, he was really stressed, um- school I think," you lied, "he's been working really hard, and I just think that and the Stark Internship combined have just been too much for him."

May just nodded her head, before opening the door fully, letting you in. "He's just getting ready."

Sure enough, on cue Peter slumped out of his room, baggy navy sweats on, with a dark grey MIT shirt, much more casual than what you were accustomed to.

"Oh g'mornin," he grumbled, shaking his messy hair.

"Are you going to school like that?" May asked him, and he nodded slowly.

Stuffing some random stuff into his backpack, he gave you a funny look, pecking May on the forehead in lieu of goodbye, and trudged out of the apartment.

The walk to the subway was unusually silent between you and Peter. Of course, you understood why. You had finally seen on the news this morning what went wrong. A five story building in the centre of Queens last night ignited, and while Spider-Man had been able to save many of the residents, five of them perished in the flames, among them a little girl. You heart ached for the family, and for Peter too, who seemed to still be taking it pretty hard.

School was no better. Spider-Man's latest rescue mission was the talk of the whole day. You could hardly get through a class without someone mentioning it, and the affect on Peter was dreadful. You couldn't lure a single word out of him, he just sat there, face stony and blank.

The way home from school wasn't any different. He kept nervously glancing over at you every so often, almost checking to see if you were still there.

"Pete are you alright?" You placed your hand on his bicep, as the door to the Parker residency finally slammed shut behind you.

"Just-just drop it Y/n."

"Oh uh, wow," you said, a little shocked at his annoyed tone.

"What? Are you surprised?" He scoffed, scuffing his sneakers against kitchen tile.

"I-I was just worried about you, that's all."

"You'll never understand what it was like Y/n. To be so helpless. To see others so helpless. There was a point where I literally had to look two people in the eye, and chose which of them to save. They were screaming for help, and I could only do so much. You have no idea what it was like," he muttered, tears escaping his eyes.

"Well then explain it to me," you pleaded with him. "Let me feel your pain."

"God you don't get it do you! Everyone at school today was going on about how much of a hero Spider-Man is. I'm not a fucking hero! I couldn't even save everybody!" Tears were now streaming down Peter's face, and his voice was low and hoarse.

"I-I'm sorry," you apologised, leaning in to hug him.

Peter's hand caught yours, and he shoved it away from himself. You stubbled backwards, before catching your balance, looking at your boyfriend with disbelief. Peter's gaze wandered from you to his hand in disgust, realising what he had done.

"Y/n, I, um, I," he stuttered, before you cut him off.

"I think you need some time alone Pete. Text me when you're ready to talk about it."

It was only ten at night when Peter entered your room through the window you had left ajar. Dressed in the same sweats and t-shirt, he sat down wordlessly on the edge of your bed.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry."

A silence filled the air, broken only by Peter inhaling deeply.

"I shouldn't have done that. I was stressed and anxious, and it's just nobody was there, not even you know what it was like, an-and they make it out like it was some great adventure when it was really actually traumatising," he rambled, fingers intertwining with yours somehow.  "All I could think about was you... I never realised how easy it is to lose someone. Even after my parents and Ben, I figured that you would always be here for me. But this shows, like what if you aren't? I don't wanna think about it, but last night made me. What if I lose you?" Peter's voice cracked that last sentence, and he lay down, so his nose was only centimetres away from yours.

"You're not gonna lose me Peter."

"You don't know that-"

"No. I don't. But so long as I live and breathe I'll be yours and yours alone. You never should worry about me. M'kay? Just clear your head. Remember; I love you. And nothing will change that." You pecked his nose, and he hugged you in thanks.

"I love you too. You put up with more than you have to y'know."

"Peter... I could never do enough for you."

Soooo that was shitty but at this point I haven't updated in forever so like why not haha😂

Love y'all, especially those who have had the patience to actually follow up on this book and deal with my bs💗💗💗