Together Apart | ✓

|Epilogue|

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it

Epilogue

When things start happening more than once, it's expected to get used to it. Things are supposedly better because you know how it feels and how to deal with it. You know the aftermath because you've been through it before.

The truth was, no matter how many times you experience a death it never got easier. It was harder to deal with this time than the first. I think it was because it was someone I went through thick and thin with.

Out of all the people in my life, I didn't think he would be the one to leave first or leave at all. We were supposed to end up together. We were supposed to go our separate ways to college and find our way back to each other. That was the plan. That was how we always had things planned.

It wasn't fair that he was taken away from me. He'd gone through the risk and trouble of saving me to only end up dead. It was all for nothing. If I could turn back things I would've spent my whole life in that cellar just so Jordan wouldn't die. But he did.

It took me days to come to terms with that word. It was abnormal that he wasn't breathing anymore. It just didn't feel real. The same thing happened when I lost my family. It felt like a dream but it was like I was living a nightmare when I didn't wake up to the smell of Mom's burnt pancakes.

I took it for granted.

I missed sitting with him on the couch while he cheered for his favourite soccer team through the television. I yearned having someone to remind me to put my shoes on when I left the house. I thought about the countless appliances he managed to break. I missed having to talk to him or tell me how much he loved me or just someone to laugh with.

It was scary how one person could have such an impact on your life. How you could notice that their presence was no longer there or that life felt so incomplete without them. I shouldn't have only depended on him and I wish I would've known that a long time ago. Maybe it would've been less painful to deal with but deep down inside I knew it wouldn't have made a difference.

I became skinny after a week of barely eating. And not the good kind of skinny that people seem to be advertising on social media.

I had to thank Cali for forcing me to eat. Even though we were going through the same thing, she still kept herself together. Though, I knew that she cried herself to sleep. It was selfless of her to put others before herself and I would always appreciate her for that.

I got to say goodbye to him but she didn't. She wasn't able to speak to him or hear his last words. It was devastating to see her arrive after such a long journey, to see her youngest trying to be brought back by four paramedics.

The painful part for me was having to wash off Jordan's blood off at the hospital. Watching his remains go down the shower drain made my heart sink even more. I didn't want to let go.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

I stared at the entrance of the building. It had been a while since I went through those transparent doors. There weren't much good memories in there but I would be leaving it all soon enough.

I took a breath. "No. It's not that I don't want to go." I didn't care that I could fail senior year if I didn't go in. "It's having to face everyone...alone."